


You Found Me

by crazydude



Series: You Found Me [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: BAMF Stiles, Character Death, Derek Tries, Derek Uses His Words, F/M, M/M, Magic, Magical Stiles Stilinski, Pack Bonding, Post Season 2, Self Harm, Slow Build, Spirits, The Alpha Pack, Triggers, Warlock Stiles Stilinski, alpha pack, erica and boyd never left derek, kind of canon divergence, realms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-29
Updated: 2015-09-17
Packaged: 2018-02-15 06:56:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 34,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2219802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazydude/pseuds/crazydude
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Read Part 1 first :)<br/>Along with the alpha pack and self destruction, Stiles discovers he has the potential to either become an emissary or a warlock. Which will he choose and how will his decision affect him and the pack.<br/>p.s  I'm not very good with  grammar :P</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so this is the beginning part to the sequel. Stiles is still struggling with things, but he's dealing in his own way.  
> I will try to update regularly, but school is starting soon so I'm sorry if it takes me a while.  
> Let me know if parts don't make sense and I'll fix them.  
> Feedback is always welcome :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've added the first part to this chapter because I noticed people weren't reading it, so yeah :P

He sat in front of his mirror staring at himself. Looking at himself in disgust. How could he let that happen? How could he do that to her? To him? Tears began to puddle in his eyes. He couldn’t see; he needed to see the monster inside of him so he blinked them away and let the guilt consume him. In that moment in time his thoughts over powered his actions. He just sat there shaking.

In her last moments he turned away. He thought it would be easier that way. In his mind if he didn’t see, it didn’t happen. So he looked away with his eyes tight shut. He thought if he looked away the pain would stop, but in reality it only got worse. There was so much pain, guilt, disgust in him that he needed it gone. It was going to break him if he left it buried away.

His hands started to tremble when he picked up the blade. He didn’t want to do it – he needed to do it. He needed a way to escape, he needed release. He just wanted to pain and guilt to stop. Doing this seemed like the only reasonable action to take. Slowly, he moved the blade until it was placed over his wrist. As he looked at the reflection he knew there was no going back.

He looked himself dead in the eye and with a broken whisper said, “I’m sorry…” He then closed his eyes, took a deep breath and pressed the blade to his skin; with one quick movement he let out a shaky breath and smiled. He felt better? He watched as the blood started appearing from the tear in his skin. He was transfixed with the beauty and meaning it held.

“Stiles, come on. I know you want to be left alone but you need to eat, dinners on the table.”

Stiles blinked himself into reality. He didn’t regret what he had just done, he just didn’t want his dad to know. He moved himself from the floor and went to clean his cut. As he watched the red flow away he thought he couldn’t wait to see the sight again. To feel how he felt in that moment.

As he came back in his bedroom he hid his blade somewhere no one would find. He opened his wardrobe door and took out the first long sleeved shirt he saw.

That was the day he started wearing plaid shirts. That was the day looked away. That was the day his mother died…

\----

Seven years later…

Stiles sat crossed legged in the middle of his bed with the light turned off. His room was lit by the moon shining through his window; for once he felt at peace. It was times like these that he held dear to him. Where he was able to sit and relax without anything crazy going on.

Stiles reach under his bed and pulled out his diary. He would deny it was his if anyone found out he had one. He opened to a clean page and started to write.

_The last year was, well hell would be an understatement. Where to begin: a psychopath alpha werewolf bit my best friend when we where in the woods looking for a dead body that was severed in two, Scott turned into a werewolf and nearly killed me when I told him the cold facts of the matter. Seriously he clawed my chair and pushed me up against a wall – it wasn’t a pleasant moment._

_Then Derek Hale comes back to town; turns out he’s a werewolf looking for the alpha and then_ _there’s the Argents. Surprise surprise, they’re werewolf hunters. And Allison Argent is dating Scott. Yadda yadda yadda crazy shit happened. The alpha turned out to be Derek’s comatose uncle and he went on a killing spree killing everyone who started the Hale fire. Which include Allison’s aunt Kate. We then took down Peter (the alpha) and Derek had the final kill which means he became the Alpha. Oh and Peter mauled Lydia on the lacrosse field and she spent a good amount of time in the hospital. I'm glad the bastard is dead after what he done to her.Lydia didn’t turn into a werewolf; she is immune – whatever that means._

_By the way I’m missing out some stuff because I don’t think it’s that important; like Allison finding out Scott’s a werewolf and Chris Argent threatening me and Jackson until we told him where Derek and the alpha was. ~~That’s classed as normal believe it or not~~._

_Then Derek bit Jackson, Isaac, Erica and Boyd…Yay, more werewolves with emotional problems. What could possibly go wrong?_

_Then it turns out that Jackson was a kanima who was being controlled by Matt (who is a stalker). Matt then took the police station as his domain and killed everyone there. Scott, my dad, Mellissa, Derek and I were trapped. Mellissa found out that Scott was not human. And then the hunters came and tried to kill us all._

_It then turns out that Matt was kill by Gerard Argent (Allison’s granddad) and he took control of Jackson. Peter came back from the dead using Lydia. Urmmmmmm… oh yeahh there was this big showdown in a warehouse thingy. Scott made Derek bite Gerard and then his body rejected the bite and he disappeared. Derek and Peter killed Jackson and he came back to life as a werewolf. He and Lydia are together. Scott and Allison are together. Hell even Boyd and Erica have a thing going on. Not to mention that Isaac is becoming Scott’s new bro…_

_It’s been two weeks since all of that happened and I never felt the need to write it down until now. They’ve all got each other and I’ve got no one. Since Scott smoothed things out with Derek, he’s became a part of their pack – even Allison and Peter are in it!_

_They’re like this big happy family who’ve all been through the same shit and are now ‘friends’. And where do I fit into this? I don’t. I’m not a part of the pack and I doubt I ever will be. They only need me when they need some research on the new supernatural creature that’s rolled into town._

_I’m living in a town full of fucking werewolves and no one can see that I’m falling apart. That I’m destroying my body because I’m a worthless human who is too weak and spastic to do anything with. I mean who would want to be friends with someone with ADHD. Fuck… why is this my life? Trust me, I’d have killed myself by now if it wasn’t for my dad. I can’t bear the thought of him being alone. At least I still have him…_

Stiles closed the book and placed it back under his bed. Summer break had just begun and he had no clue what to do with himself. He left room and went to get some food. What better way to spend his night then eating and gaming; _it’s not like I have anything better to do._

“Dad? You want anything passing in?” he called out. Silence.

“Dad?” Stiles wandered around the house and his dad was nowhere to be seen. There was most likely a reasonable explanation, but his heart beat started to rise. This wasn’t good. He backed into a wall and slid down until his legs were tucked underneath his neck. His breathing was uneven and he couldn’t gain control. Stiles sat there and let the panic attack take over him; it would be over soon. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. It was a message from his dad.

From: Dad

Won’t be home until tomorrow. Working a double shift. Don’t wait up.

Stiles laughed at himself. “I officially have no one…”

Once he had calmed down he picked himself up and walked heavily to his bedroom and dropped to the floor in front of the mirror. This became a usual ritual for him. If he needed to cut he would sit in front of his mirror so he could see the reason why this all started. Why he needed to do it.

He reached over a grabbed a book from his book shelf and shuck it until the blade fell out. It was a great place to hide something special as no one would ever pick up a book in his generation – it was all technology, sex and parties. Stiles rolled up his sleeve and revealed an arm which was home to hundreds of scars. He placed the blade over a patch of skin which was healed and cut. He watched as the blood seeped from his skin and he kept cutting. He wanted his thoughts to stop. He wanted to have meaning and he didn’t want to be alone. Stiles looked at his reflection and curled his nose up at what he saw. He dropped the blade and cried out in anger – he took his fist to the mirror. The glass shattered as something shattered in him. Heavy breathing filled the room and all stiles could do was laugh. He laid back and laughed for the first time in ages. He laughed until his chest hurt.

Stiles turned his head and watched time tick by. After twenty minutes had passed he got up and cleaned up the glass.

“Awesome... Now I need a new mirror.” he muttered.

Once his room was clean and the blade was back in its home he stripped out of his clothes and went into the shower. He stood still as the water ran down his body. And he smiled when the water turned red. Stiles closed his eyes and moved so his head was tipped back and the water was bouncing off his face. He stayed in the shower until the water ran cold.

As he wrapped a towel around his waist he looked down to see what damage he had done.

“Great…”

His arm was covered in twelve new cuts and the skin from his knuckles was gone. There was times when it was worse than this, but it was always in places no one would see. Now he had to come up with an excuse for what happened to his hand.

The next part came easy to him. He took out the first aid kit from under the sink and started to clean his wounds. Once that was done he wrapped his hand in a bandage and put plasters over some of his smaller cuts.

Stiles looked at himself in the bathroom mirror and smiled. What he was feeling didn’t last long, but he always knew to embrace it before it was gone.

That night was the first time in ages he didn’t cry himself to sleep.

\----

“Stiles get up. It’s one o’clock. I’m not going to let you sleep away these next few months.” The Sheriff shuck Stiles until he heard a groan.

“Daaaaaaaad. Come on, let me sleeeeeeeeep.”

“You’ve slept long enough. Now get up.”

Stiles cracked his eyes open and saw his dad stood over him. He huffed out a breath and carefully sat up so his arms were hidden by the blanket.

“There. Are you happy now? I’m up. Now shu so I can get dressed.”

Stiles waited until his dad left the room before he got out of bed. Seven years and he had no clue. He always wondered how he was getting away with it for so long. The closet people to him didn’t know what he was doing to himself; sometimes Stiles thought that they didn’t care about him so they never noticed. Other times he pinned it on them not wanting to see. He also thought that he was an amazing liar, but then he questioned the werewolves’ abilities. Nothing made sense to him so he stopped wondering about it.

Once he was dressed he looked at his phone and saw he had a message from Scott.

“That’s strange.”

He opened the message:

From: Scott

Come to Derek’s loft at 1:30. Pack meeting.

Stiles re read the message over and over in his mind. The words 'pack meeting' surprised him the most. Was he really pack? He checked the time noticing he had ten minutes to drive across town. If he left now he would just make it on time. He grabbed his keys and ran out the house calling out “Going out. Don’t know when I’ll be back.”

As he got in his beloved jeep he sent a quick text to Scott telling him he’s on his way.

Stiles looked around the loft and it looked like he was the last person there. _Great_. As he made his way over he felt like everyone had a place but him. Lydia and Jackson were sat in the love seat near the window, Erica was sat in between Boyd’s legs on the floor, Scott and Allison were cuddling on the couch with Isaac sat next to them, Peter took his place on the spiral stairs and Derek stood with his back to Stiles, but facing everyone else.

“Glad you could make it Stiles, now sit down. We have things to talk about.” Derek said without even looking at him.

He looked around and returned the smile Scott sent to him. In the end Stiles leaned against a wall and looked up so see Derek giving him a weird look. Normally Stiles wouldn’t think twice about getting weird looks off people, but this time it felt different. Like Derek knew something and that worried Stiles.

_What if he knows? Can he smell it on me? I mustn’t have cleaned the blood up properly. Crap. He knows and he’s going to try and talk to me. Ha Derek Hale talking to me about my emotions. I would love to see that happen. The sourwolf can barely keep a conversation going. I would pay money to see him talk about his feelings or anything human for that matter. I wonder what-_

“Stiles?”

Stiles snapped out of his thoughts and looked up and saw that everyone in the room was staring at him. It was unsettling. His hands twitched.

“Yeah?”

“Well, what do you think?” Lydia asked. _Crap what on Earth were they talking about. Think Stiles, think._

“Urmm …”

“Do you think it’s the alpha pack? You’ve read enough on werewolves to know if it was or not.”

_Wait what! There’s an Alpha pack in Beacon Hills. Shit I should really start paying attention._

“It’s possible.” He said with uncertainty.

“Great. That’s all we get? Why the fuck are you here if that’s all you can say?”

Stiles swallowed down the lump in his throat, he didn’t want to back down and appear weak. If he did then he knew for certain that they would never bother him again – nobody wants to be dealing with someone who’s weak, they just hold you back. He mustered up all of his courage and replied.

“Go to hell Lizard boy. At least I helped kill a murderer and didn’t become one!” he snarled back. He looked at Peter, “No offence.”

Peter gave his bad touch smile “None taken.”

He turned back to look at Jackson, but instead he saw a wolfed out version of him in his face.

“Say that to me again, I dare you!” Jackson pinned him against the wall with his claws at Stiles’ neck. The room went silent. He heard growling from behind Jackson, but had no clue who it was coming from.

Stiles just laughed in his face, “What are you deaf now too. Did you not hear me the first time Lizard boy?”

“Stiles shut up. Do you have a death wish or something?”

Jackson growled in his face, but Stiles was unfazed by it. He’s not scared of dying so why be scared of a werewolf threatening your life? Stiles moved his neck forward until the claws had enough pressure on them to break the skin.

“Go on Jackson. Do it? I dare you…” he bit out.

Jackson’s eyes went wide and he shifted back. Stiles’ eyes never left his. Not even when Derek pulled Jackson from his face. Everyone shifted uncomfortably. No one knew what to say.

“Everyone out, now.” Stiles was the first to move, but Derek held out his arm to stop him from moving, “Not you.”

Stiles watched everyone leave, but no one turned back to look at him. Not even Scott. Stiles laughed to himself.

“What’s so funny?”

Shit. He forgot Derek was there.

“Nothing.” He said and he dropped to the couch and relaxed. _That wall was extremely uncomfortable._

He put his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. He was so tired, he could just fall asleep. But he couldn’t since he felt Derek’s brooding eyes on him.

“What do you want Derek?”

“For starters I want you to look at me.” Stiles huffed out a breath and opened his eyes to look at Derek.

“Happy?” he asked bitterly.

Derek just rolled his eyes. “Why did you do that?”

“Do what?”

The eyebrows on Derek’s head knitted together. “You know what. Why did you move into his claws? You could have been killed!” Derek’s voice started to raise.

Stiles smiled, “You and I both know he would never have killed me. As much as he hates me, he doesn’t have to balls to do it.”

Derek just stared giving him that weird look again.

It made Stiles nervous, “Can I go now?”

“No.”

“Great. What else Derek?” Stiles eye’s followed Derek’s until he was looking at his bandaged hand. He couldn’t lie because Derek would easily figure it out and make him tell the truth. But at the same time he couldn’t be honest. Derek would never understand. He’s too emotionally challenged to understand something this complex. So Stiles just raised his eyebrows and brought his hands onto his lap. They both stayed silent, looking at each other.

Derek sighed, “Stiles tell me what happened to your hand.”

“Why do you care?” it was out of his mouth before he could stop himself. Derek looked taken back by the words.

“I care because you’re pack and pack look out for each other.” He stated. And Stiles laughed in his face.

“Derek, let’s be honest. I’m not pack so don’t lie.” Derek flinched back at his words and Stiles felt the guilt build inside of him.

“Of course you’re pack. Why wouldn’t you be?”

“Well you’ve never said. I thought I was just there when you needed someone to do the research. It’s not like anyone in your pack talks to me unless they need something, including you.”

At this point Stiles was stood up and he was waving his arms about. He looked down and saw Derek’s expression. He looked ~~sad~~ , ~~disappointed~~ , sorry? Whatever he made Derek feel, it didn’t make him feel any better.

“Stiles, I never told you because I thought it didn’t need to be said and I –“

“Save it Derek. If you actually want me to be pack, if you even care about me and want to know things,” he waved his bandaged hand in front of Derek “then how about you actually being in my life and talking to me. And not just when you need something. It’s not a hard thing to do Derek.”

Stiles didn’t wait around for his response, he left the loft, got in his jeep and drove.

\----

He sat on the hood of his jeep and looked up at the stars. Everything was quiet and peaceful. Just how he liked things. His phone kept on vibrating so he looked at it and saw he had four miss calls off his dad and ten unread messages.

“Oh my God. I don’t answer my phone for like five hours and he starts to worry.” He muttered to himself whilst he turned it off.

“Well maybe you should and people wouldn’t worry.” A familiar voice said.

“Fucking hell. Are you trying to kill me?” Stiles gasped while he held his chest.

He heard footsteps come closer and then to a stop.

“What do you want Derek?” he asked without taking his eyes off the stars.

“Just move along will you.”

Without hesitation Stiles made room for Derek and Stiles moved his glaze from the stars to Derek. He raised his eyebrows indicating for Derek to answer his question.

“Believe it or not Stiles, we were worried. Once your dad couldn’t reach you he phoned Scott. And when Scott didn’t know where you where he texted the pack and said that you were missing. We’ve been looking for you for hours.”

“Well fuck. I didn’t mean for anyone to be worried. I just needed time to myself.” Not that I don’t have enough of that already he thought.

“Just don’t do it again.” And there was that weird look again, but only this time it didn’t make him feel nervous; it made him feel warm…

He didn’t know how to reply so he just whispered ok. A small smile grew on Derek’s face and it melted Stiles’ heart. He couldn’t help but smile in return. They stayed like that for a while. Just laid there under the stars looking at each other.

Derek was the first to break the silence. “So you gunna tell me what happened to your hand.” His eyes shifted briefly from his eyes to his hand then back.

“I punched my mirror.” Stiles simply stated.

“Why?”

“I got…angry”

“Does it hurt?” Derek looked as vulnerable as Stiles felt and he was feeling something he hasn’t felt in a long time, but he couldn’t put a name to it.

“Not really.” Stiles breath took a sharp intake when he felt Derek’s hand enclose around his. He looked down and saw black going up Derek’s veins. He tried to move his hand away, but Derek shuck his head and it was left at that.

He looked back into Derek’s eyes and found understanding. Of course Derek would understand doing things in the heat of the moment when you’re angry; he’s had a life time of anger so Stiles felt relieved when Derek didn’t press for more about the incident.

Stiles smiled at Derek before turning to look back at the stars. Something about having Derek next to him made him feel safe. Safe from everything, everyone and himself. He noticed that Derek still had hold of his hand even though he wasn’t taking any pain. His heart fluttered and he closed his eyes. He wanted to remember this moment. To look back on it and cherish it.

Tomorrow he would worry about the Alpha pack. And tomorrow he would question what happened tonight. But right now, in this moment, his mind was clear and everything felt right. Everything felt _normal_ …

\-------

Stiles pulled his jeep into the space next to his dad’s cruiser. As he walked up to the door he noticed that the lights were turned off. _Yes, he’s not awake. I mean I’ll still get shouted at tomorrow, but at least tonight can end better than usual._ Stiles looked down at his bandaged hand and a smile crept onto his face. He unlocked the door and went to walk up the stairs when he felt someone looking at him. His smile dropped instantly.

Stiles turned around and saw a silhouette sitting in the corner of the room which startled a ‘manly’ scream out of him. The light turned on and John Stilinski was sat chuckling to himself. 

“Not funny dad. You could have gave me a heart attack.” _Or panic attack._ He kept that thought to himself; his dad didn’t know they started again and he wasn’t going to find out as long as Stiles could keep it from him. 

Stilinski’s face went blank and serious. “What’s not funny is thinking your son is missing because he never answered his phone all day. Now who’s the one giving people heart attacks?”

Stiles looked down to the floor. He hated being the reason that his dad worried all the time. It felt like it was his fault that his dad’s heart was getting worse. _Of course it doesn’t help that he eats junk food all the time, but that’s beside the point._

“Sorry… I just…”

“You just what Stiles. What made you think it was ok to not answer you phone? I was scared to death that something had happened to you. I even phoned Scott, your best friend didn’t even know where you were. Everyone was worried. And then you walk through that door with a smile on your face. Do you not realise what that makes me think? It makes me think that you don’t give a damn about us anymore. We used to be so close and then during this past year you’ve pulled away. Started going out more and coming home with bruises on your face.”

Stiles felt the tears running down his face, but he didn’t feel the need to wipe them away. He wanted to show that it was hurting him as much as it hurt his dad. When he looked up he noticed that he looked like a ton of bricks was lifted off his shoulders, but at the same time he looked anxious and concerned. It made Stiles want to cry even more.  
“I…I…I don’t know what you want me to say.” He want to tell his dad everything. Well not everything, but it wasn’t his secret to tell. He couldn’t do that to his …to his friends?

Stilinski sighed, “I don’t care what you say. I just want you to start talking to me again.” At his point he was stood in front of Stiles with is hands on his shoulders, “Please just start talking to me. You and I are all we have; we can’t afford for anything to happen or come between us.”

He embraced him in a long overdue hug. Stiles let go and cried on his shoulder. What made it worse was that his dad expected him to talk now, but he couldn’t. Once the truth was out he wouldn’t be able to protect him, he would want to be involved and Stiles couldn’t lose his dad. He couldn’t lose both of his parents. If his dad died when he was trying to help, it would be Stiles’ fault and he couldn’t let that happen again. He was already the cause of his mother’s death, he was not going to be the cause of his dad’s death… The house was quiet and Stiles couldn’t take it anymore, he pulled back from his dad and started to walk up the stairs.  
“Stiles…” A hand moved to grab his, but he shrugged it off. He looked over his shoulder, “I’m sorry, but I can’t. Not now…”

Once his bedroom door was shut he collapsed to the floor. He laid there until he heard his dad leave the house. Confused, he looked out the window and saw the sun beginning to rise. He must have laid there the whole night without realising. He made an attempt to move, but his body wouldn’t allow it. He was drained of energy; he couldn’t remember the last time he ate. Stiles knew he should go down to the kitchen and get something to eat, but if he went this long without food he could go an extra couple of hours.

He reached into his pocket and turned his phone on in case his dad had texted him. He highly doubted it, but he wasn’t going to pull them further apart by not answering possible incoming texts. Stiles scrolled through his messages, all from yesterday but one. He opened it.

From: Derek  
I’m coming over for the research on the Alpha pack. I expect you to be awake.

_Wait, what? How does Derek ‘I-don’t-know-what-google-is’ Hale have my number? I’m pretty sure I didn’t give it to him… well I don’t think I did. Nope, I’m 100% sure I didn’t. Ugh, I completely forgotten about the alphas. Can’t I live in a cave and hide from everyone? Wait, why didn’t he ask Lydia; she knows everything I know, if not more… he must pity me._

He wouldn’t normally do it this soon after already doing it, but after everything that’s happened he needed to cut. The only thing stopping him was that he didn’t have his mirror. He needed it. He needed to see. Thinking on his feet he finally got up and went to the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror hanging above the sink. He didn’t bother bringing his blade with him so he pulled out his spare one from the first aid kit. 

It didn’t feel completely right, knowing that his ritual was broken, but he could see his face and that’s all that mattered. His left arm was too sore and mainly covered to do anything more to it. Stiles glanced at his right arm, he never normally done it there, but what difference was it going to make. As long as he could be released. As long as he could feel alive it didn’t matter where he done it. 

Slowly he pulled up his right sleeve, he winced. He took the bandage off his left hand and saw that it was swollen. _Crap, must have sprained it. I have to be more careful. Nobody can find out._ He gently moved his hand so it was placed over his wrist. Looked himself in the eyes and took the blade across his skin. Once wasn’t enough.

_I’m a disappointment to my dad. He hates me now. How could I have done this to him? He wants nothing to do with me anymore. I’m just a waste of space making everyone’s life worse. Hell, even the pack pity me. They feel so sorry for me that they have to make up stupid reasons for me to come and help them. Is this what my life has come to now? Is this all I’m good for?_

He gasped in pain and looked down. Blood was everywhere. He cut too deep, but not deep enough to have to go to a hospital. This only happened once before and he had a full on panic attack. Right now, it felt like he was going to have another one, but he forced it down. He needed to clean himself up before Derek showed up. _Fuck what time is it?_

Rushing was never good, but he had no choice. He didn’t even get a chance to feel the after effects, to feel what he needed to feel. _Stupid Derek!_ Stiles quickly washed away the blood from his arm and sink. He placed a medical gauze over the cuts and covered them in a bandage. He flung everything back into the first aid kit and reached to the back of the sink. He pulled out an old support bandage for his wrist. Everything was back in place, but even he didn’t have to be a werewolf to smell the blood.  
Stiles sprayed himself in deodorant and lit scented candles around the house. He knew he over done it, but it was better to be safe than sorry. 

With a sigh of relief he opened his window and laid on his bed waiting for Derek. A couple of minutes later he heard a grunt.

“Hey Derek.” 

He sat up and looked at Derek as he sat on Stiles’ computer chair. “Hi.” _Awkward silence, nice._

“Soooooooo, about last night?” Stiles tried.

“What about last night?” _Is he being serious?_

“You stayed with me, you also took my pain…” Derek was not making this any easier.Once he caught his eyes he made sure they held it, he didn’t want Derek to close off, and he wanted him to talk. 

“I wasn’t going to leave you there by yourself, you could have been hurt so I stayed. And I was trying to be…”

Stiles smirked and had a playful tone, “Wait, don’t say Mr Sour Wolf cares about me and was trying to be nice. Have I died and gone to heaven. Is this real? Am I dreaming?”

Derek looked unimpressed, “Shut up.”

He stuck his tongue out, “Make me…”

Derek raised his eyebrow; he was about to reply, but didn’t. Instead his nose flared.

_Shit. Keep calm, he can only smell candles…hopefully._

“What’s with all the candles?” _There it was. That look._ Stiles tried to ignore it, but it was eating away at him.

“Why do you keep on giving me a weird look? It’s annoying the hell out of me.”

“I asked you a question first.”

Stiles sat up, “Well remembered. But this isn’t high school so stop acting like a child and answer my question first.”

This time Derek raised both of his eyebrow and gave Stiles the ‘are-you-serious’ look. 

“Oh my God. You’re a pain in the ass. You know that right.”

“Stiles.”  
“Fine, there was this weird smell and I wanted to get rid of it. Ok?” _Not the full truth, but not a lie. Score one for Stiles._ He pointed in Derek’s face.

“There’s that look again. Why are you looking at me like that dude?”

“First of all don’t call me dude,” Stiles held his hands up in surrender.

“And secondly, you’re always telling half-truths. It’s like you’re hiding something, but I can’t tell what it is. Also,” Derek flared his nostrils, “you smell different. I’ve noticed it  
changing for a while now, but it’s…”

“Woah hold on. You’ve been smelling me. Dude that’s weird and creepy, even for you. And no I don’t. I always tell the truth.” And it was out of his mouth before he could stop himself. Shit.

Derek’s head snapped up, “You lied.”

“Well noticed. I see that your werewolf senses are working fine and dandy.”

Derek moved closer to Stiles and sat on the end of his bed. He was trying to intimidate him and it was working. Stiles looked anywhere but at Derek. He tried so hard to hide his emotion, but it just kept seeping through. And it hit Derek like a brick wall.

“Stiles. What’s wrong? What’s going on?”

He didn’t need this. Not now. He tucked his legs under his neck and rested his head on his legs. He felt the bed delve right next to him. He needed Derek gone. Stiles lifted his head and managed to say, “I’m fine. Please can you go now?”

“You’re not fine Stiles. Just tell me what’s wrong.” Derek reached out his arm, rested his hand on Stiles’ right arm and gave it a gentle caring squeeze. Huge mistake. Stiles hissed in pain and jerked his arm back. Derek’s eyes flashed red.

“Stiles.” He bit out.

He didn’t know what Stiles had done, but he knew something was wrong and Stiles could work with that. He jumped up from the bed. Picked up the piece of paper on his desk and dropped it on Derek’s lap.  
“That’s everything there in on the alpha pack. Surprisingly not very much. Now go.” He pointed to the window; Derek looked like he was about to protest, but Stiles wasn’t having it.  
“Like I said before, if you want to know things that happen in my life, try being in it. Now Go.” He practically growled at him.  
The last thing he saw was Derek’s eyes burn red before he closed his. When he opened them Derek was gone. He reached under his bed, pulled out a box and took the jar of mountain ash to the window and door. Deaton let him keep some after the rave as he wanted Stiles to practice with it and ignite his spark again. 

_Now’s a better time than any…_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles goes to Deaton and things get more confusing. Questions are answered, but the answers leads to more questions...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so in this chapter you find out how Stiles killed his mother and which path he is choosing.  
> Like always, tell me if things don't make sense and I'll fix it.  
> Feedback is always welcomed :)

Rain was bouncing off his jeep when it skidded to a stop in front of the vet. He saw the sign said closed, but the lights were still on. Stiles got out of his jeep and ran to the door, it was locked. _Figures._ He kept knocking until Dr Deaton came from round back and let him in.

“Stiles. What are you doing here?”

“Ermm…” 

“Does this have anything to do with the pack?”

“No.” Deaton gave him a curious glare.

“Follow me.” He left to go back where he once was and Stiles followed like a lost puppy. He watched as Deaton started pulling books from a cupboard and putting them on the metal table. 

“I’m confused.” 

Deaton stopped what he was doing, “Stiles, I know why you’re here. I’m not stupid.”

“But I never told you.”

“It doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together. You never come here and you want to talk to me about something, but something that doesn’t regard the pack. So the only other reason for you to be here is for my help with your spark. The only thing I can’t figure out is why now?”

At this point there were 3 books next to Stiles and Deaton was looking at him waiting for an answer.

“Why now? I’ve never thought about that. Something just feels right, it feels like the right time to do this.”

Slowly Deaton nodded his head and gestured for him to sit down.

“You’re going to sit and listen because there are things you need to know before you dive into an unknown world. You need to know why you have a spark and what it can make you into.” 

Stiles opened his mouth to talk, but closed it when Deaton looked at him. He sat opposite from Stiles and with a sigh said, “What do you know about your mother Stiles?”

“What…” He choked out.

“Did she ever talk about anything that may seem out of the ordinary?”

He couldn’t talk about her, it make him want to curl up on himself. She didn’t deserve what he done to her so he just shook his head.

“Ok, we will start at the beginning then. Once your mother turned eighteen she was put into training as she had a spark like you Stiles. She was extremely powerful, but once she met your father it was love at first sight - she left her family and the training. She gave everything up for him and she didn’t regret it. It was turning her into something she didn’t want to be so she got out whilst she could. And once you were born she vowed never to do magic again. You may have noticed that she was very happy and energetic all the time.  
That was the unused magic running through her veins. You got your spark from your mother Stiles.”

 _What. The. Fuck._ Stiles nodded his head for him to continue, he couldn’t speak. 

“You may have also noticed that when you got older she was getting weaker; don’t worry you weren’t doing this to her if that’s what you’re thinking. All the unused magic was trying to be used, trying to find a way to escape and it was killing her from the inside out. I warned her many times about this, that she could do a simple spell to release some of it, but she wouldn’t do it. I even warned John about it, but he said there was no convincing her. That once she made a vow she stuck to it.”

“Wait. What? Dad knows she had magic and didn’t say anything to me. Does he know about everything else?”

Deaton smirked, “Your dad has known since the beginning Stiles, he’s not as stupid as he looks.”

His eyes went wide. “Do you want me to continue?”

“Yeah.”

“In her last year she was alive your mother was bursting with magic. She never knew she was a danger until one day she went to give you a hug, but her magic connected with yours and it flung you against a wall. Do you remember?”

“Yeah, that was the day I … I killed her…”

“Stiles look at me now. It was not your fault she died, she –“

“Of course it was. I play what happened over in my head every single day. I could have easily chose to run upstairs and wait for my dad to come home, but I didn’t. I got up and went to her because she was crying and mumbling how sorry she was. That she never meant to hurt me. I couldn’t leave her like that. I reached out saying it was ok, that it was an accident and when I touched her she fell to the ground. My touch fucking KILLED HER!” 

Stiles was stood up with tears running down his face, he felt something inside him awaken and he wanted it out, so he let it out. With an ear piecing scream he smashed every jar in the room and fell back in the chair. 

Deaton cautiously walked over to him. “Stiles, please calm down. You need to calm down.” He saw that he wasn’t getting any better so he talked, hoping it would distract him  
enough to calm down.

“Do you know how werewolves came to be? There’s many versions of the story, but this one is my favourite. It all started in Ancient Greece with King Lycaon of Arcadia. He tested the almighty Zeus by serving him the roasted flesh of a child to see if he was truly omniscient. Zeus was outraged with what Lycaon had done and as a punishment he transformed him into a wolf, as after all only a beast would do that to an innocent child. He then went and killed his fifty sons by striking them with lightning bolts. The slaughtered child, Nyctimus, was restored to life by Gaia. Lycaon was a powerful wolf, but he wanted to be human so he went and found the druids. Druids are also known as emissaries and they have shape shifting abilities. Whilst they couldn’t undo the cure, they taught him how to shift back and forth between human and wolf. To this day emissaries and the wolves have been allies.”

He saw that Stiles had calmed down enough gestured for him to speak. 

“I didn’t know any of that. Wait does that mean you can shape shift?” Stiles eyes went wide, “Does that mean I will be able to shape shift?”

Deaton chuckled, “I myself cannot do that. I wasn’t trained in that route; I was trained as a healer. But you have a choice Stiles.”

“What do you mean I have a choice?”

“It means you don’t have to be an emissary if you don’t want to. Stiles your magic is beyond believe for your age. I can feel it inside you. You have both white and dark magic.”  
_What…_  
“I never noticed it until you destroyed those jars. White magic is used for healing, protection and helping, but what you done manipulated the physical structure of something and broke it. You done that because you were angry and you wanted to cause harm and destruction. Only dark magic can do that.”

“But I didn’t mean to do it. I don’t want to be evil.”

“Stiles having dark magic doesn’t mean that you’re evil. It just mean you have more power and you can cause damage. And that’s not a bad thing, you could protect yourself in fights instead of relying on others or luck.”

 _I wouldn’t be weak anymore, I could be strong._ Stiles smiled stretched across his face. 

“But, if you want to use your dark magic you can’t be an emissary.”

“What, why?”

“I know you like to help Stiles, but if you continue with both magic’s, especially dark magic and try to be an emissary at the same time you have a greater chance of becoming a Darach. And I will not let that happen.”

He nodded. Stiles didn’t want to ask what a Darach was because he had a feeling that Deaton wouldn’t tell him. He’s spoken more to him than he’s ever heard him speak to anyone, so he knew that he would start withholding things again. 

“You can either be an emissary like me or you can become a warlock. It’s your choice and I won’t question it, but make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into.” Deaton gave the books to Stiles and told him to go home. That he needed to sleep on what been said.  
\----  
When Stiles arrived home his dad wasn’t there and he was kind of glad. _He knew everything and he didn’t bother letting me know. He had a go at me for keeping things from him and he does this, he is such a hypocrite! It would have been nice to know I had magic. Gee thanks dad…_

He made his was up to his room and started reading the books Deaton had leant him; one book was about emissaries, the other on warlocks and the final one was a book on white and dark magic – _ooo with beginners spells._  
Stiles set the emissary book a side; Deaton had told him everything he needed to know and he had first-hand experience with an emissary so it was pointless reading it. He opened the warlock book and started reading it.

“Warlock: alleged to be a translation of the Saxon word, Waerloga, which means oath breaker. The word has negative connotations including referring to the definition of liar.”  
_Well I do lie a lot so I have that in common…_  
“The theory of warlock’s relates to Norse mythology. A song called the Vardokkur was sang to ward off evil spirits during a religious ceremony. The idea that Vardokkur is a ‘spell singer’ and not a liar or oath breaker. The word is also used in some oath bound traditions of Wicca to mean binding or tying.”

_Oh My God, this is so confusing. Like what the actual hell. It contradicts itself. Warlocks can be good or bad like emissaries, got it. The question is what do I want to become? I like the idea of becoming like Deaton, helping people, but then I’d be tied to the pack and they already hate me enough right? They wouldn’t want me to be forcing my way into their bond. That’s not acceptable. But, I don’t want to turn all dark warlock. In reality becoming an emissary is my safe option._

_Becoming a Warlock would be interesting though, I could do both magic’s and make myself less vulnerable. White magic for healing, helping and protection and dark magic for power, control and strength._

Stiles knew deep down which one his mother would have wanted him to be. She gave up her magic for a reason, it was turning her into something she didn’t want to become. Claudia would want to see Stiles safe; she would want him to become an emissary. Maybe Stiles could set things right by doing what his mother would want. I would be more useful to the pack that way.

_Ugh, why does everything have to be confusing? Why can’t everything be black and white?_

He laid back on his bed and let the night take him into a deep sleep.  
\----  
He woke up to his phone ringing. Click.

“Stiles, hey dude. Want to hang out today?”

“Scott…” he said half asleep.

“Yeah?”

“Where’s Allison and Isaac?”

“Allison’s busy with her dad and Isaac is out with Derek. And the rest of the pack is busy too, why?”

_Great, best friend my ass. I’m his last resort._

“Sorry I can’t. I’m busy.”

Click.

Stiles got a quick shower and redressed his cuts. He didn’t feel like he normally would. After doing magic at Deaton’s, even it was by accident, he felt the release he had been longing for. In that moment he knew what he wanted to become.  
\----  
Stiles burst through the Vet’s doors, “I want to be a Warlock.”

_This is my life, I’ll decide what I do. Sorry mother..._

Deaton walked passed Stiles and turned the open sign to close.

“Let’s begin training.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so i'm posting the next two chapters today because school starts again tomorrow and I don't know when I will have time to write and update.  
> Tell me if there's any mistakes and I will fix them.  
> As always feedback is welcome :)

It’s been a week since his first training lesson with Deaton, he had his second one this morning. Deaton was impressed that he was picking up things very quickly, Stiles practised day and night; he locked himself away in his room and ignored everyone, including his dad. He would talk to him eventually, but he didn’t want to lose control and accidently hurt him. So Stiles stuck to himself and indulged himself into his whole new life.

_“Stiles, understand that I can only teach you the basics and be here for your guidance. I’m not a trained warlock so there’s a limit to what I can teach you.”  
“Ok, I get it. I know I still have a lot to learn, but I was flicking through the spell book and I noticed one that intrigued me. I want to learn it today. Please?”  
He handed Deaton a copy of the spell. He looked surprised to say the least.  
“You want to learn how to mask your scent and heartbeat?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Can I ask why?”  
“I want to be able to do and say things without the werewolves knowing if I’m lying or not. I want there to be personal boundaries. I want to be able to say things without having to question if they’re going to call me out on my lie or not.”  
“Seems reasonable. This requires a piece of jewellery to charm it. Have you got one on you?”  
Stiles pulled out a blood stone triskelion pendent, “It was my mums.” _

It took Stiles the full afternoon to get the spell right and since then he’s been wearing the pendent around his neck and walking around the woods everyday practicing his magic. He spent equal amounts of time on both white and dark magic. Today he was looking for half dead plants and healing them. Doing white magic never felt as good as the dark magic, but Deaton told him not to give in to the temptation, not this soon anyways. 

_“One day you will be able to heal wounds, if you or your friends get hurt it will become a useful spell. But for now practice on smaller things. Like plants.”_

Part of Stiles couldn’t wait for that day. He treasured the moment he could do that, but he also dreaded it. Soon he would be able to heal his cuts and he doesn’t know if he wants that. He likes to look down and see each memory he made. How they have made him who he is today. How he has survived and is surviving. 

As he walked over a fallen branch he noticed a rabbit laid next to a tree. When he got close he saw it had a huge cut on its side. _Practise makes perfect..._ Stiles bent down and hovered his hand over the cut. He blocked everything out and focused. It had been minutes and nothing had happened. The light was draining for the rabbits eyes and Stiles gave it all he had. He felt a sensation run through his body and all his breath was knocked out of his body. He fell back and sat on the floor. 

Stiles looked over at the rabbit and saw the wound slowly close. He saw how its skin knit back together, he was so overwhelmed that a tear ran from his eye. The rabbit bounced over to him and its head nudged his hand. He petted its head and he let out a shaky laugh. This moment was probably the best he’s felt in a long time.  
After a while he continued his trek through the forest. He stopped when he came to the trees in front of the Hale house. Every day he would stop here at the same time and the pack would be training. Even Lydia was getting involved – Allison was teaching her self-defence techniques, the wolves were fighting like wild animals and Derek watched from the front of his burnt down house. 

Part of Stiles hated them for not inviting him. They called him pack, but they never acted like it. He was bothered by it the first time he saw them, but then he didn’t let it get to him. He was probably more powerful then all of them and they still thought he was weak. Stiles couldn’t wait for them to see him for what he truly was. To see that he wasn’t a weak human who had to really on the pack to save him. Every day he was getting stronger. And every day he was still alone, but it didn’t hurt as much as it used to.  
Stiles didn’t watch them for long, it’s not like he could hear what they were saying and laughing about so he left after a couple of minutes. Only today when he went to leave he stepped on a branch which made all the wolves heads turn.

“Stiles, is that you?” _Scott, you couldn’t have kept your mouth shut. Well they know I’m here. May as well say hi._

Stiles stepped out from the trees so everyone could see him. All of the wolves looked worried.   
“Hey dudes.” He gave an awkward wave.

Scott stepped forward, “Stiles why can’t we smell you?”

“And why don’t you have a heart beat?” Isaac sounded so terrified, Stiles sort of felt guilty. Everyone was coming toward him now. They formed in a semi-circle with Derek in the middle and Stiles couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him. 

“What so funny?” Jackson called out.

“Have you seen the formation use are in?”

They looked confused and that surprised Stiles.

“You don’t even know you’re doing it, do use? Well, this pack is becoming more of an actual pack. I’m impressed guys. Keep up the good work.” 

“Stiles, stop joking about and start explaining.” _Ah Derek finally spoke._

He shifted uncomfortably, he didn’t want them to know this soon. _Stupid branch._

Stiles lifted his hands up and made a ghost noise, “I’m the ghost of Stiles, and he died from loneliness…”

He meant it as a joke, but the pack looked sad. Like they’ve just realised that they’ve been ignoring him. And Stiles relished in this moment. He wanted to see them sad, hurt and sorry. For what they’ve put him through, he’s glad that they know how it’s made him feel. 

Allison was the first to talk, “Stiles, you’re not actually dead are you?”

Then there was a chorus of noise.

“Stiles, omg we’re so sorry.”

“How did you die?”

“Don’t be stupid he not actually dead.”

“We didn’t mean to leave you out, but Derek said it was for the best.” Stiles looked at Erica. 

“What?”

“He said it was best to leave you alone. That you’re human and you can get hurt easily. And we sort of all agreed, but we never meant to make you feel alone and not wanted.”

_Scott, you mean well buddy, but you don’t make things better._

Stiles looked at Derek, “Is that true? You told them to stay away from me?”

Derek’s face was closed off, he couldn’t read him. Stiles hated not knowing what Derek was feeling.

“Yes and I stand by it. I don’t, we don’t want you to get hurt. You’re to-“

“Weak.”

“Jackson not making things any better.” Lydia always knew how to shut him up and Stiles envied her for that.

His heart was pounding and he was getting angry.

“You made me think that you were avoiding me. That you didn’t want to be associated with me! That I was useless and too weak! I thought I was worthless and that I wasn’t good enough for any of use. YOU made me think it was all me. That is was me who they didn’t like. That they had to put up with me for the sake of it. Do you know how many time I’ve…” _cut because of these thoughts._

Stiles stood there shaking, his magic was building up inside him and it wanted to be free. 

“Stiles I, I never meant for you to feel like that. I just didn’t want you to get hurt. Just calm down.”

Derek cautiously moved forward. Stiles snarled. “You want me to calm down. You, Derek Hale are telling me how to handle MY emotions.”

“Stiles,” Derek growled. He was about a foot away from him now. His skin crawled in anger and disgust. Derek reached out to touch Stiles’ arm.  
“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!” His magic ripped from his body which sent Derek flying backwards. The last thing he saw was Derek about 50 feet away from him impaled by a tree. His eyes fluttered closed and he dropped to the ground.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, let me know if there's any mistakes and i'll fix them.  
> As always feedback is always welcome :)

“Ugh, someone please tell me why my head feels like it’s been bashed in by a hammer…” Stiles slowly blinked his eyes open until his vision was clear. He was inside the Hale house laid on a battered couch. Stiles looked around the room and saw the pack surrounding him and Deaton who was hovering at his side.

“What’s up doc?”

“Stiles do you remember what happened?”

He squinted his eyes and tried to remember. _Him. The pack. Derek. Shit Derek._

Stiles bolted up, “Derek? Where is he?” he looked at Deaton, “I swear to god I didn’t mean to. I just got so angry and I, I let go.”

He heard a small grunt from the corner of the room. He looked over and saw Derek sat on the floor leaning against the wall whilst holding his stomach. He sighed with relief.

“I thought I killed him. I did that to him. I…I…”

“Stiles look at me, Derek is fine. What you did was an accident. Yes, it wasn’t good, but it wasn’t on purpose. You will learn control, but you need time.” 

Stiles slowly took in the words and nodded. He looked around the room and he saw everyone looking scared? That wasn’t right. _Are they scared of me?_

He couldn’t think of that right now, all he could focus on was that Derek wasn’t healing like he normally would.

“Doc, why is he still bleeding?”

“He was attacked by magic, it’s going to take longer for him to heal.”

Stiles widened his eyes. Derek was in pain because of him.

“Can’t you heal him? You said you focused on Healing magic. So fix him!”

Everyone in the room looked at Deaton, hoping he could do what Stiles said.

“Stiles, most of my magic died out with the deaths of the Hales. I can’t do what you ask.”

The wolves in the room looked at Deaton in a weird way. _What did they pick up on what I didn’t?_

His heart beat started to rise, all he could see was Derek dying because of him. And that didn’t settle right with him. It was making him twitchy. He needed to fix Derek. _If I can heal a rabbit then I can heal a werewolf. They’re both animals…kind of …_  
Stiles got off the couch and kneeled next to Derek. He looked him in the eye, “I’m so sorry, I can’t apologise enough. I promise I won’t hurt you again.” Derek nodded. “Ok. Here it goes.”

“Deaton, what is he doing?” Lydia, _always curious._

 

“Just watch.”  
He placed both of hands over the gaping hole in Derek’s stomach, closed his eyes and focused. He remembered back to the night when Derek found him on his jeep. The way he took his pain and made him feel better. He found him when he didn’t want to be found. He was the first person he let in. That night he let Derek see who he truly was and Derek took his pain and laid with him. 

He heard a sharp gasp, but continued to remember. He went back to the night at the swimming pool. He was a weak human then, but he kept Derek alive. He kept him from drowning. And he remembered Derek’s words, ‘you need me as much as I need you and that’s why you’re not letting me go.’  
Stiles smiled. As much as a pain in the ass Derek can be, he wasn’t letting him go. He opened his eyes and looked in Derek’s and let his magic do what he wanted. He was in control. From the corner of his eyes he saw white light emerge from his hands, but he never looked away from Derek.  
The light slowly dimmed and he looked down and saw he had healed Derek. He looked proud? And all Stiles could do was smile with his achievement.

“Thank you.” 

“Anytime Sourwolf.”

He turned around and saw that they were staring at him in astonishment. 

“Ta Da, I’m a Warlock…”

“What?”

“How?”

“Since when?”

“When where you going to tell us?”

So many questions were fired at him and he looked at Deaton for help.

“Stiles came to me a week ago asking for training, so I’ve been helping him. He’s been learning and advancing his skill; for only a weeks’ worth of practicing he’s beyond the level he should be. That’s why he can easily lose control.”

Stiles looked at Deaton. _He’s never told me that before. Yay, the old Deaton is back._

“You mean that skinny freak is powerful?” 

“Jackson.” Derek was stood by Stiles side now.

“No, it’s ok. I can handle my own battles now.”

“Stiles I’m not sure that’s a good idea, you saw what you done to Derek.”

“Deaton not now.”

He looked at Jackson from across the room. He let his magic over take him. With a twist of his hand he made Jackson shift against his will. He slowly raised his hand and Jackson was floating mid-air.

“Is that all you got Stilinski? You’re like a fucking fairy.”

“You want more. I’ll give you more.”

Jackson was thrashing into the air.  
He heard people call out his name, but he blocked them out. Jackson was looking at him with his electric blue eyes and Stiles closed his hand into a fist; Jackson howled out in pain as one by one his bones broke. 

“STILES STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!” Wait that wasn’t Jackson, it was Derek. He turned his head to look at him, but stopped when he saw Deaton’s eyes glow white. 

“Stop it or I’ll stop you.”

Stiles wanted so badly to stop, but his magic was to powerful. He couldn’t stop, Jackson was howling in pain and he couldn’t stop.  
He closed his eyes and it was simple enough to understand. Deaton’s words filled his head and slowly Stiles was becoming himself. When he opened them Lydia was on the floor  
cuddling Jackson and everyone feared him. _This is not good._

Eric was the first to break the silence, “Why was his eyes red?” 

“What, my eyes were red?” He was confused as everyone else, he looked at Deaton for answers.

“When you use magic your eyes can change due to the intensity or overall powerfulness. With white magic your eyes glow bright white. You saw my eyes do that when I brought you back and your eyes done the same when you healed Derek.” 

Stiles looked over to Derek to see if it was true and Derek nodded.

“And when you use dark magic your eyes turn red, the darker the red the more powerful the spell or the stronger the darkness you’re using the channel your magic.”

“Ok… so what shade of red where my eyes?”

“They were Blood red.”

“Good? Bad? You have to give me more than that.” 

Deaton spoke up, “Stiles that’s bad. I only know one other person with darker eyes and that’s Deucalion. The Alpha of the Alpha pack.”

“He’s also known as the Demon wolf isn’t he?” Stiles asked, he needed to know what he was becoming.

“Yeah…”

_Well fuck me. I don’t want to become demonic. What would my mother think of me now? My friends are sacred of me and I can easily lose control. This is not good. This is very very bad._

“Stiles,” he looked at Deaton, “don’t worry yourself over something which can be helped. Derek will teach you control like he did with the pack and you can train with them. Get better and stronger at the same time. Also,”

“What? Spit it out.” Stiles was very impatient, he needed to know.

“Also, it wouldn’t hurt having an anchor. Something or someone to bring you back when you’re losing control.” 

Stiles was pretty sure he was gaping like a wet fish. How on Earth is he supposed to find an anchor? This is going to be a lot harder then he thought, but he snapped his head up remembering something.

“How did you talk me down? You said you had hardly any magic left?”

“He was lying.”

“Scott why would he lie?”

“I wanted to see if you had it in you to heal someone. I know you’ve been practicing and I wanted to see what your magic capability was like when someone you care about was in pain.”

“So you were testing me?”

Deaton smiled and left the house. 

“Well today has been interesting…”

Everyone looked at him with the ‘are-you-serious’ face and Jackson just growled at him. The room was silent and Stiles could tell when he’s over stayed his welcome. He walked to the door and paused briefly, “I’m sorry for everything guys. I didn’t mean to hurt any of you…” it was barely a whisper, but he knew the wolves would hear him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry for taking a while to post. The updates will be coming more slower because I have my school work to focus on now - last year of school before college. Yay :) haha.  
> Anyways, I will try to update weekly or every fortnight and hopefully you will all like it enough to wait :P  
> Tell my if there is any mistakes and i'll fix them.  
> Feedback is always welcome :)

Stiles was only in the house for a minute when his dad said, “Son, we need to talk.”

They both sat down in the living room and waited for someone to speak. He didn’t know where to start and Stiles was still sort of pissed off at his dad for not telling him sooner. 

“Deaton told me what happened today.”

“Screw Deaton. He didn’t have the right.”

John looked disappointed in Stiles, “If he didn’t tell me you wouldn’t have and you know it. He was only looking out for you. For us.”

Stiles knew he was right, but he was too stubborn to admit it.

“Why didn’t you tell me about mum?”

John sighed and rubbed his hand over his face, “I never knew how to tell you. Talking about her is still a touchy subject and I guess I was just scared. She was scared of her magic and she had the right to be. Claudia died because of it; I didn’t want to tell you because you would have wanted to know more and start practicing. We didn’t want that for you. We wanted you to be normal and safe…”

“I get were you’re coming from, I honestly do, but I had the right to know who I was. You keeping it from me was the wrong thing to do,”

“How about you not telling me about the pack?” John shot back.

“You don’t get to play that card. I know you knew about everything from the start.”

“Actually I didn’t know until Peter Hale went missing from being in a coma.”

“You still could have said something. Do you know how horrible it was for me to be keeping this from you? How I felt like a bad son,”

“Stiles, you could have easily told me.”

“It wasn’t my secret to tell!”

“Stiles calm down, your eyes are starting to glow. Do you understand now why I didn’t want you to know about your magic? It’s dangerous and it can corrupt the nicest of person.”

“Dad you’re being bias. You know one side of magic, not the other.”

“I know what it does to people.”

“Not when you have control.”

“But you don’t have control do you? If you did your eyes wouldn’t be flashing red!”

Stiles stopped talking and focused on his breathing, trying to steady his heartbeat. He felt his dad move closer to him and he moved into the hug he was receiving.

“I’m sorry son. I didn’t mean to do that to you. I know why you lied and you know why I lied. Everything is out in the open now; we can be honest with each other. No more lying ok?”

“Ok.” _Lie…_

“So, there’s an alpha pack?”

“Yeah, but they haven’t made a move yet. We don’t even know if they’re here. And I don’t want you to be getting involved.”

“Stiles you can’t stop me from –“

“I can and I will. Don’t test me dad. I don’t want to see you get hurt or worse.” Stiles was holding back tears. 

“Fine, I won’t be involved. But I want updates and I expect to know where you go and when you’ll be back. That seems fair right?”

He didn’t want to continue arguing, but he knew eventually that his dad would get his way so Stiles agreed. They sat there in comfortable silence; it was the first time in ages since they had an honest talk with each other and got everything out in the open. _Well nearly everything…_

“How about we watch a movie and spend some time together?”  
John looked surprised by the offer, but a warm smile crept onto his face. “That’d be wonderful.”

Stiles got up from his current position and played one of his favourite movies, The Avengers. They had both seen this movie a million times so Stiles gave his award winning commentary throughout it. Saying which parts were his favourites, how some parts could have been improved. And how hot the actors were. His dad raised his eyebrow when Stiles commented on how Tony was the sexiest man alive, but didn’t seem disappointed or repulsed at the idea of his son finding other men were hot. Stiles counted that as a win.  
Not long after the movie was finished John had to go to work. As he left the house he gave his son one last hug and shut the door behind him. 

Stiles made his way up to his bedroom and saw someone sitting in his chair. Instincts kicked in and Stiles flung the person against the wall and held them there. The light turned on and he saw that it was Derek he was restricting. He quickly let Derek go.

“That’s two times you’ve attacked me in one day.”

“Wow Derek, way to bring a dude down.” Stiles sat crossed legged and looked at Derek who took his place back in the chair. 

“My dad knows everything. He’s known from the beginning. So yeah…”

Stiles was expecting Derek to get angry for some unknown reason, but instead he nodded his head in understanding. 

“I’m not mad Stiles. So don’t look so surprised. I not too keen on him knowing because it could get him hurt, but at least you don’t have to lie to him anymore.”

He looked down at his hands, “Yeah, no more lying… So how long have you been waiting up here?”

Derek smirked, “Long enough to know that I quote ‘Ugh, have you seen Tony. He is too sexy to be alive. He’s like a temple of sex, no wait a sex god’.”

Redness crept on Stiles’ face and he flung a pillow at Derek which he caught without looking.

“What is my life? Seriously, why do you always have to be creepy? And leave my love for Tony alone, he’s mine…”

“And yet I’m the creepy one. Anyway, I would much rather have Thor in my bed; have you seen his muscles. The things he could do with that strength…” 

“Wha…wait…back up a minute…” Derek had a playful smile on his face and all Stiles could do was turn to goo. 

“What is it Stiles? Wolf caught your tongue?”

“Fuck you.” He said with no seriousness behind it. This time Derek let the pillow hit him.

“So you like guys?” 

“Yeah, after everything that happened with … I never found women you know…”

“Understandable…”

After that the room fell into comfortable silence. Stiles had figured out about Kate, but he didn’t tell anyone. The pack just thought that Kate was crazy and had no connections to the Hales, but Stiles knew better. Derek found out that Stiles knew when he was acting unusual, well more unusual for Stiles and they had their first actual conversation. Since then they had an unspoken fondness of each other, but that didn’t mean they liked each other or that they didn’t argue from time to time – well most of the time.

“Stiles?”

“Yeah?”

“How can you mask your scent and heartbeat? I know you’re here, but all of my senses are telling me you’re not. It’s driving me crazy.”

He reached beneath his top and revealed the pendent to Derek.

“The first time I trained with Deaton I wanted to do this spell.” 

Derek moved so he was sat in front of Stiles. He took the pendent from Stiles hand and held it in his own. 

“It’s beautiful.” _Just like you._

“Can I ask why you wanted to do it?”

“Do you know what it’s like to have no privacy? It’s horrible and I don’t like people knowing what I’m feeling or if I’m lying.”

Stiles took back the pendent and put it back under his top. He searched Derek’s face for anything, but found nothing.

“Why would you want to hide yourself from us?”

“I could ask you the same thing. You’re always closed off and you hardly talk. So you must understand why I do it.”

“But I’m getting better. I talk more.”

“Yeah, but as far as I can tell only to me. Why is that?”

Derek shifted under Stiles glare and mumbled, “Because you've saved my life and, I trust you…”  
Stiles had to stop his heart from exploding, Derek looked so adorable and he trusted him. That’s a lot to take in considering they used to want each other dead.  
He saw that Derek was looking out the window as if he wanted to leave after his confession so Stiles quickly changed the subject.

“So I’m training with you guys. Pretty cool huh. I’m finally one of the gang even though the probably hate me because of today.”

“Stiles they don’t hate you. They were just startled. They’re not used to seeing you like you were. I know for a fact that today was the first time they saw someone use magic.”

“Yeah, but Jackson –“

“I talked to him and he said it was his own fault that he shouldn’t have picked on you and questioned how strong you were. He was just being a …”

“Dick?”

“Yeah.” They both chuckled with each other, everything was good. He felt warm; having Derek here with him felt right.

“I want you to start talking to me Stiles. If you won’t let anyone know your emotion or lies, you have to tell me things. I’m your alpha and it’s in both of our best interests. Ok?”

“Yeah, ok. That seems fair.”

“The last time I was here you were in pain. You got so angry and told me to go. Do you remember?”

“Woah Derek, you never used to talk his much.”

“Stiles, be serious for one minute.”

“Fine. Yes I was in pain, but I’m not ready to tell you why. I might never tell you. But know I’m working things out. That’s all I can tell you.” 

“I can work with that.”

“So what now?”

Derek got up from the bed and turned the TV on. “Now we watch some weird reality show and lie down.” He watched him take off his leather jacket and his shoes. Derek then came back to the bed and rearranged them so that he was leaning with his back against the wall and Stiles pulled close to his side. 

_Omg, I’m in bed with Derek Hale. I’m cuddling with him. Who knew he liked to cuddle? Even though he’s built like a Greek god he’s so comfortable. The scenarios I’m thinking of. I could come from the thought of it. Ugh Derek, why did you have to be so darn sexy? And now you’re using words… Ughhh stop being so perfect. Thank god I have this pendent on or else things would get pretty awkward kind of fast._

Stiles snapped out of his thoughts when he heard the smooth growl in Derek’s voice. “About today, I forgive you.” 

Stiles let out a soft moan when Derek kissed the top of his head, but if he heard it he didn’t call him out on it. _Best night ever!_


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking forever to update. Had loads of homework, don't you just love school? *that was sarcastic* haha :P.  
> Anyways, I hope it was worth your wait. if it isn't, sorryyy :(.  
> Tell me if things don't make sense and i'll fix them.  
> Feedback is always welcome.

This time when he took the blade to his wrist, he didn’t have to worry about going too deep. He didn’t have to worry about losing himself. Stiles knew who he was and why he couldn’t stop, even if things were getting better. 

When he woke up Derek was gone and to Stiles, that made him break. On top of everything else, he thought that hopefully Derek would have some affection towards him, at least enough to make him stay. Maybe Stiles read the signs wrong, maybe Derek was just being nice to him because he’s pack, not out of choice. 

_I still mean nothing… nobody wants me… Fuck, stop being so stupid! Derek left because he needed to. He had a valid reason to leave. I’m reading way too much into things. I hate my mind… I hate myself. Even with all of this new power I feel weak. And today I have to train. Maybe it’s a test to see if they can trust me. To see if I am actually useful to them._

Stiles dropped the blade and looked at his reddened creation; he focused and watched as his skin closed back up, but stopped when the scar formed.  
Always leave the scars, they hold meaning which no one can understand.  
He rolled down his sleeve and checked the time. 10:23, Scott had sent him a text saying that training began at 10:30 every morning.  
Stiles picked up his keys and left a note for his dad telling him where he would be. As he got in the car, anxiety filled his body. 

_Don’t mess up._  
-

He reached the old Hale house with literally one minute to spare. The pack were already training and it was a sight to see. It wasn’t like any of the other times when he saw them train, this time they were all wolfed out. Normally they would be human harnessing their power to fight, but this time it looked like Derek had told them to let go.  
Erica pounced at Jackson and knocked him to the ground which left him defenceless as Erica put her hand to his throat. Jackson gave up struggling as Erica got off him. Stiles saw him walk over to where Derek, Boyd and Isaac were standing. 

_Strange._

Stiles managed to avoid Scott and Erica when he walked over to the pack.

“What’s going on?”

Jackson shot him a look as if to say ‘Isn’t it obvious?’

“Derek wants to see who has actually been paying attention during training, so he’s seeing who has learned the most by having a mini match to see who is the most skilful and powerful.” Isaac said without taking his eyes off the fight. 

Stiles looked at Derek, “Admit it, you just want to see Erica beat them all.”

He saw the corners of Derek’s mouth turn up and Stiles counted that as a win. 

“Stiles, don’t you have faith in me?” Scott shouted back as he dodged Erica’s punch by an inch.

“Sorry bro, but even I can tell that Erica is by far the best. After all she is cat woman.”

The rest of the pack turned to look at Stiles like he was crazy, but Erica barked out a laugh.

“I thought you forgotten about that, batman.”

He let the smile take over his face, “Never.”

After a couple of minutes of pointless fighting Erica won, but in Scott’s favour he put up a good fight. 

“Everyone stop what you’re doing and come here.” 

The pack walked over to Derek and they formed a circle. This seemed normal for them. _Maybe they don’t need me, everyone has a place…_

“I still don’t like this.” Stiles looked up at Scott with a questioning brow.

Scott’s eyes widened, “Oh god no, I didn’t mean it like that Stiles. I just meant that I hate not being able to hear your heartbeat. It’s driving my wolf crazy.” 

The pack hummed in agreement. Stiles opened his mouth to say something, but Derek spoke before he could get his words out.

“If Stiles wants to hide his scent and heartbeat he can. We won’t question it. Also, it will give the wolves more practice with their hearing and seeing. Just think of it as more training.” 

He looked at Stiles, “Yeah what he said…”

“Usual training for today.” And with that the pack broke off into small groups. Allison and Lydia went over to were the weapons where placed and began target practice. Scott, Isaac and Erica started to go through fighting techniques and Boyd and Jackson started to fight.That left Stiles and Derek standing side by side in silence.

“So…”

“You’re training with me today.” Derek said as he walked over to sit on the porch on the burnt out house. He gestured Stiles to follow. Derek wasn’t saying anything, he was just looking at Stiles and it made him nervous. 

“So is the pack really alright with me being here. I’m not getting a warm vibe off them dude.”

“Stiles you’re pack and I was wrong to ever exclude you. Everyone is fine with you being here, just stop worrying about it. Things happen and we get over them, together.”  
Something in his words made Stiles feel less anxious, but that doesn’t mean he felt right. It was like he was invading something private, something he wasn’t supposed to do. 

“Moving on, you’re going to be training with me.”

“What…”

“But first we need to talk about you finding an anchor.”

“Derek, wait a min-“

“So, what grounds you? Makes you feel like you? Makes you feel real?”

“Fuck sake Derek! Hold on!”

Everyone stopped what they were doing and paid their attention to Stiles who was sat with his eyes closed, chest heaving.

He felt someone in front of him, but he knew if he opened his eyes something would happen. So he talked, “Derek man. You can’t do that.”

Stiles felt warm solid hand curl around his, “What can’t I do?” His voice was so soft, so naked. 

“You can’t expect me to believe that everyone is fine with me being here with everything that happened yesterday. I fucking hurt you Derek and I tortured Jackson. And then you  
dismiss it like it was nothing and start talking about finding an anchor. And I just …”

“Stiles open your eyes.”

“Derek, I can’t-“

“Yes you can. Stiles I trust you won’t hurt me. Find something that make you feel human and never let go of it.” 

Derek’s hands moved from his and cupped Stiles’ face. “You can do this.”

His voice was so full of hope, trust and emotion. _He trusts me. He believes in me. He makes me feel human. Makes me feel right, he brought me back when Deaton couldn’t. Derek talks to me more than anyone else, he confides in me. He found me when I didn’t want to be found… its Derek and it will always be Derek…_

Stiles slowly opened his eyes and saw the pack surrounding them. He wanted to look at them, but all he could do was stare at Derek. 

“So you found one then?”

“Yeah…” _Derek-sour-wolf-Hale is my anchor. Could things get anymore cliché? The person I used to want dead is now the reason I’m staying human… great…_

“Everyone back to training.”

Stiles broke the eye contract to look at everyone as the left. He returned the smiles he was given. 

“It’s ok.” That’s all Jackson said, but it was all he needed. 

“Do you want to tell me what it is?”

His attention snapped back to Derek. “Na, I think I’m good.”

“Ok.”

“What do we do now?”

“Now we fight.” Stiles was left sitting there with his mouth hanging open. He couldn’t comprehend what was happening. Derek wanted to fight him. Derek Hale the alpha, wanted to fight him.

“Are you coming or not?” He managed not to gape when he looked over and saw Derek had took his shirt off.

“Seriously, what’s with the no shirt? Are you allergic to them?”

“I don’t want to ruin it, now hurry up and get down here.”

Once Stiles stood directly in front of Derek he couldn’t take his eyes from the bare chest that was right there. Chiselled from the gods themselves. Derek was beautiful and Stiles was really glad he had decided to wear his necklace or things would have gotten rather awkward.

“How am I supposed to fight you? I’m 147 pounds of pale skin and fragile bone. And you could probably break me with your hands alone.” 

“Stiles, fight with your magic and hold onto your anchor. And please try and put up a fight.” 

He nodded. Stiles didn’t know many spells off the top off his head, especially fighting ones. He knew how to make poisons and hex bags, but not any attack or defence spells. This fight was going to be over before it even started. 

“How can I do that when I don’t even know any spells?”

“Think back to yesterday, you didn’t know any spells and you done what you done. It’s all about your will. Focus on wanting something to happen and it will.”

“Here goes nothing then.” He nodded his head which indicated for the fight to start. 

One second Derek was in front of him and the next Stiles was on the floor with a half-naked Derek on top of him. 

“Too slow. Again.”

What seemed like forever to Stiles was only a couple of minutes to everyone else. There was only so much of being pinned to the floor he could take. So this time when they got up, Stiles used all he had to dodge Derek’s move, turn around and hold Derek in place. He could sense that Derek was fighting back and it made it more obvious by the growl that escaped him. Derek was slowly breaking free for Stiles hold and he knew once that happened he would be on the floor again.  
With a deep breath he flicked his wrist and sent Derek flying on his back. But Stiles couldn’t have his moment because within seconds Derek was back on his feet running towards him. _Let’s make this fight more fun._

Stiles looked to the ground and started to heal a dead root which was in between him and Derek. He manipulated it so that when Derek ran passed it, it curled around his foot and made him fall to the floor. Laughter filled the air and Stiles noticed that the rest of the pack where watching them.  
Derek lifted his head and bared his teeth at Stiles. The snarl which emitted from his was far from human. _Shit._ Stiles took the few seconds he had to turn and run the other way. He felt, more than heard, feet hitting the ground which were getting to close for his liking. Stiles stopped, turned and used both of his hands to send a surprised red beam of light at Derek – he saw Derek fall to the ground with smoke rising from his chest.

Eyes wide, he ran over to Derek, “Shit man, I’m sorry. I swear I-“

Stiles didn’t get to finish his sentence because Derek hooked his foot around Stiles’ ankle which caused Stiles to fall on top of him. Then he flipped them so that Stiles was underneath him. Derek’s eyes were still red and Stiles tried his best to move, but Derek had his arms pinned behind his head and legs either side of Stiles’ so he was stuck. 

“Derek let go!” 

“I will once you calm down, your eyes are still red Stiles. I’m not letting you go until they’re back to normal. Understood?” 

Stiles noticed that Derek was literally in his face, all Stiles had to do was lean in the tiniest of bit and their lips would meet. He gulped and nodded in agreement.  
He didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but he didn’t want it to end. Once Derek released his arms, he knew that he was fine and that Derek was going to get off him. But what he didn’t expect was for Derek to lean back so he was sat up… on Stiles… with the whole pack still watching… Any other time he wouldn’t mind Derek practically straddling him, but not like this.

“Urm Derek, do you mind getting off me now?”

Something must of registered because within a second Derek was standing putting his shirt back on.

“That was better.” And that’s all he said before he walked away.

He closed his eyes and relaxed into the grass. 

“Stiles?”

“Yeah Scott?”

“That was AWESOME!”

The next thing he knew, Scott jumped on top on him and laid next to him. He cracked his eye lid open, “It was, wasn’t it.”

What he wasn’t expecting was for Erica to lay on his other side. “You did good Batman.” 

He didn’t know how it happened, but within seconds the full pack was on the ground lying next to one another. Scott and Allison too close for comfort, but it felt good. Like they finally accepted him and Stiles couldn’t help the tear which escaped his eye. 

“What’s wrong?”

Stiles looked over to Boyd, “Nothing, nothing’s wrong.”

_I could get used to this. Wait, where’s Derek?_

“Derek? Stop doing whatever you’re doing and get your wolf ass over here!”

He heard a huff of annoyance and it was enough to make him laugh. Stiles opened his eyes and saw Derek looming over him, “Happy?”

“Not exactly. Get down here and enjoy this puppy pile before something bad happens.”

“Puppy pile? Really?” 

“Don’t deny it Jackson, you know you love it.”

Which earned a snort from everyone else. Stiles continued to look at Derek until he laid back on the floor and pulled Stiles so he was half on top of him. In unison, everyone else shuffled up until they were level with Stiles and Derek. Everything in that moment was perfect.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so i'm going to try an update atleast once a week and it will be on the weekend.  
> Tell me it things don't make sense and i'll fix them.  
> Feedback is always welcome :)
> 
> \-- Sorry I haven't updated in ages. I haven't even begun to write the next chapter, but I know where I want the story to go. I've got so little time on my hands with all the revision I have to do for my mock exams next month; i'm also going through a hard time and I don't have the time to write.  
> So, i'm looking for some help. If you like this genre of writing and think you could carry on the same style of writing, but with your twist send me an inbox and i'll check out your work :)  
> I know what happens in each chapter, but if the writer(s) that help have awesome ideas i'm always up for changes/suggestions :)  
> so yeah, inbox me ...

“Ah my old friend; so we meet again on this uneventful night…”

Stiles opened his diary and let the pen take over him.

_Dear Diary,_

_Where to begin, it has been a month since my first training session with the pack. It was awesome if I might add. For starters I won a fight against Derek  and then we had a puppy pile :D. They’ve became a regular thing now. We stop questioning it because it feels right. Apparently it has something to do with pack bonding. Derek explained it one day and I knew I should have listened, but he was wearing a shirt which could have basically been his skin, it was that tight. Like WOWZERS._

_Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. After I found out Derek Is my anchor I had a mini freak out when I got home and discovered I had a tiny *cough*big*cough* crush on Derek. I know he doesn’t like me back. It’s like Lydia all over again, but I can’t help how I feel. It gets me down every now and again because I know I’m going to die alone. I’m a fucked up teenager with mental problems. I bet if Deaton knew everything about me he would never have allowed me to train with my magic. It would be too dangerous. Ha, I’m like a walking time bomb. One day I’m going to explode and not in the way I would like ;)._

_Speaking of Deaton, our sessions are going great. He’s teaching me loads of new things. I’m getting more powerful and I can feel my magic growing inside me. Sometimes I get an itch to use it and Deaton says when that happens to perform simple small spells, so I do. He says that I don't have to rely on spells from books to use my magic, that I have to power and strength of will to make something happen just by thinking about it - Yay! I know my dark magic is stronger, but I don't know why. It just seems to feel more natural to me; like breathing. And I'm pretty sure that's not a good thing._

_As you can probably tell, this diary entry is going to be all over the place. I can never write like normal people do, everything is muddled about so if anyone ever reads this: First screw you, you don’t have the right and second, ha to you to try and make heads and tails of this :P._

_Back to the whatever… After the awesome puppy pile we all went back to Lydia’s for a movie day. We watched The Notebook (no surprises there) and ordered pizza. Everyone had their place with each other, which basically left me and Derek sitting too close for comfort. Don’t get me wrong it was great, but I had to focus all of my attention on the movie or something would have popped up – if you get what I mean. After the movie had finished we talked about anything and nothing. I spent most of the evening talking to Erica and Boyd - well mainly Erica. Boyd just listened. It was like old times. When I didn't have to pretend as much. I felt good. And then I left and went home to my mini freak out.  
After that day, things got easier. I went to the Hale house every day from then till now and I’ve been training. Sometimes it will just be me and Derek, but other times he will make it so it’s me against the pack. Oooo and there was this one time when I had to protect Boyd from the rest of the pack. It was awesome, probably boring for Boyd because he just stood there whilst I done all the work. Derek said that my reflexes were getting better and next time we do that exercise I would have to protect more people. I love training. It’s probably the highlight of my day which is a bit sad, but I don’t care. When I’m using my magic it makes me feel better. There was this one time where Erica kept pestering me to use my magic because she still couldn't get over the fact that I had it, so I gave in and turned her hair electric blue. Once she realised, which didn't take long due to the pack snickering at her, she growled and chased my until I turned it back. The memory to this day makes me laugh._

_The days are getting easier, but the consistent feeling to cut is still there. I think about it every day and sometimes I give in, but sometimes I don’t. I hold out for as long as possible. I know how the pack would react if they knew, so all the more reason for me to hide it from them. Mind you, it’s the middle of summer and everyday I’m wearing long sleeved shirts. It’s not nice. Like the other day the pack went to the beach, but I had to make up an excuse. I felt horrible doing it, but I couldn’t … I’m not ready for people to see them and I might never be._

_Wow, this is getting sad to fast. On a happier note I’ve rekindled my old friendship with Erica (which you could probably tell) and that means I’m buddies with Boyd now because them two are basically joined at  
the hip. And honestly, I couldn’t care less. Being around them makes me happy. We talk every day and when we aren’t busy as a pack, we sometimes go out to see a movie, go to the arcade or have all day gaming tournaments at my house. I remember when Boyd got hungry and like the totally normal person she is, Erica decided to bake. Boyd didn't seem too happy when he found out that he had to wait before he could eat, but it was a fun and messy afternoon; my kitchen was covered mostly in flour and dirty dishes by the time my dad got home from work. All he said was that we had until the time he came back downstairs to have the place cleaned or there would be consequences. Ah gooood times :). People probably think I’m pathetic, always being the third wheel. But I don’t care. Erica and Boyd are my bro’s. They’re always there for me now. _

_Don’t get me wrong, Scott will always be my homey, but these days he’s either with Allison or Isaac. It used to piss me off so much, but it doesn’t affect me anymore. I’ve accepted the fact that Scott doesn’t rely on me as much as he used to and now I can actually focus on the people that want to be my friends._

_So yeah, the old trio used to be Erica, Boyd and Isaac. But now it’s Erica, Boyd and Stiles. We never argue about anything serious (only about Marvel and DC characters. Like how can Boyd think that superman is better than batman? And then Erica said that Spiderman was pointless! What the actual hell. Sometimes I question why I’m friends with them) and have inside jokes about the rest of the pack and how they approach situations. I would share them, but I’m not going to because I’m mean. Mwhahaha…_

_So that happened… Moving on, Jackson and I talked things out properly. Things weren’t settling right with me. I basically tortured him for fuck sake and just because Derek said that everything was fine, doesn’t mean it was. There was an elephant in the room and it needed to be discussed. So we went out for coffee and talked. I wouldn’t go so far to say that everything was peachy keen, but we made a truce. Jackson said to think of it as me getting payback for all the years he made my life hell at school. After that things got easier around him. We’re not friends, but we’re not enemies either._

_Ah, speaking of enemies. Derek heard news of the Alpha pack being in town. Of course we didn’t believe him, but then animals started appearing up dead all over the town. Deaton said it was a sign to which Peter (god I still hate him) elaborated on by saying that they were making their mark. Showing their dominance and authority. That they were showing they were ready to fight for something. But we can’t figure out what they want. We have no clue how to find them so we’re basically sitting ducks.  
It’s a horrible feeling knowing that they can attack anytime and to know there’s five of them makes everything worse. How can a pack of teenagers stand a chance against an Alpha pack? With an almighty demon wolf on their side… _

_I don’t want to think of that anymore. Ooo want to hear something which still confuses me to this day, but I’ve learned to stop questioning the weird. Every night Derek shows up and stays with me. He’s done this since I nearly killed him. I only questioned it once and he said it was something to do with pack. It was obviously a lie because he doesn’t treat the rest of the pack how he treats me, but I didn’t call him out on it. I keep things from him so it’s only fair that he’s allowed to have his secrets._

_For a while I thought that it was because Derek liked me, but it became apparent that he didn’t. I would try to ask him about it, but he said not to read too much into it. So I didn’t. I got the sign loud and clear. I can work with being friends, but I know it’s going to destroy me because one day I will do something stupid and ruin everything I have.  
Actually, I’m getting quite worried because normally Derek would be here by now, but he hasn’t showed. For all I know he could be dead in a ditch and I’m sitting here writing about my unrequited feelings for him. _

_Moving on because I don’t want to think about Derek being dead. Things have gotten easier with my dad. We talk more and spend quality time together at least once a week. I still feel bad about lying to him about certain things, but if he knew the truth it would destroy him and I don’t want that. I would say since we both came clean about knowing things we’ve became closer than ever before. He’s stopped arguing about having to eat his vegetables and it’s become second nature for me to tell him where I am. Like we said, no more lying about the important stuff._

_I don’t really see much of the hunters lately; Allison said it had something to do with her dad. I’m not a big fan of Chris, but he knows what he’s doing. After the events which involved Allison going a bit psycho with Gerard, the pack trust her now. It wasn’t easy, but she earned it. After everything she’s done for Lydia with the training and helping out with fighting techniques, she’s back to being treated like an equal._

_Speaking of Lydia. I see her more often now. Derek has assigned us as researchers because that’s what we’re good for. We find out things faster when we’re together then when we do when we’re separate. It’s became easy how we can bounce off our thoughts off each other and know where they’re leading to. When we do it, the pack looks completely lost. It’s hilarious._

_So yeah, I think that’s everything. I can’t wait for tomorrow, Erica, Boyd and I are going out of town and spending the day shopping. The best part is… THE FORBIDDEN PLANET! Boyd has never been and we both agreed that it wasn’t acceptable so we are taking him and showing him the awesomeness!!!! _

_I feel like I need to do a little conclusion because I’ve wrote more then I normally would. This is me being weird so just go with it._

_In conclusion: I am one with the pack, everything is fine between me and my dad, Jackson defiantly doesn’t hate me, I have bonded with each member in the pack (some more than others), Scott’s my homie but we’re not as close, the alpha pack are in town, my training is epic, my magic capability is EPIC, I’m better with my control, it doesn’t freak me out that Derek is my anchor, Erica and Boyd have made my life so much better then they will ever know, I don’t mind being the third wheel :P and I HAVE A HUGE CRUSH ON DEREK HALE, WHO IS TO SEXY TO BE HUMAN - did you see what I done there, he’s a werewolf so his sexiness is reasonable :P._

_Stiles over and out.  
Peace out MoFos… _

Stiles closed the book and put it back under his bed. It was eleven and Derek was not here yet. His heart beat started to rise; something was wrong and he could feel it. His phone buzzed. Everything was going awesomely, so it would be now when something bad happened. 

Stiles knew what the message said before he opened it. He finally put the pieces together. The alpha pack had been here for a couple of weeks, waiting and watching. They were after something, more like someone. If they were after Derek they would have made a move by now because that’s how the rest of the alphas came to be in the pack – no waiting around, straight to the point. All the animal killings had been close to Stiles house. They were watching him. Sending him a message. They saw Stiles at his weakest and saw him start to build himself up with the help of his pack. But mainly the help of three people. Rule Derek out and that left the two people who Stiles had grown to love over the month. Erica and Boyd…

His thumb hovered over the message. Maybe Stiles was wrong, maybe everything was fine. But he needed to be sure; he swallowed back the tears and opened the message. It read:

From: Derek  
The Alpha pack has made their move. They took Erica and Boyd. Come to the house NOW

Stiles eyes went blurry and his body went limp; he dropped to his bed as if the life had been taken from him. If he listened closely, he could hear a chorus of howls within the air. Just when everything was getting back together, it began to crumble down…


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry i took so long to update - i'm not sure if you will like this chapter and i'm not good at writing in a certain style that's with in this chapter (you will understand when you read... hopefully).  
> Tell me if there are any mistakes and i will fix them.  
> Feedback is always welcome :)

One minute Stiles was laying on his bed wishing everything was fine, that Erica and Boyd where at home where they were supposed to be and now he was stood at the beginning of the woods. He knew Derek would kill him for disobeying him, but this was Stiles’ fault. Erica and Boyd were took to hurt him, not the pack. Because without Stiles at his best the alpha pack would have no trouble in taking out their pack. Eliminate the person who poses the threat to defeat the rest. And right now that person was Stiles. His phone kept vibrating in his pocket, without checking who was calling he answered, “I’m sorry.” and hung up.

“This is my battle to face, not yours…” 

Stiles opened his mind and let his magic guide him. He could sense everything around him, everything was heightened and he let his instincts take over. There was a possible risk of this being a trap and he knew that, but he couldn’t sit around whilst his friends were being held captive because of him. So he ran. Dodging everything in sight. _Nothing will stop me!_

As he ran he felt a presence near him. _Derek._

“Derek I know you can hear me so listen because I’m not repeating his. Try and stop me and I will stop you. They took them because of me and I’m going to fix it. Now leave because I’m not allowing anyone else to be hurt because of me.”

Stiles came to a stop. Nothing. He was about to start running again when he was suddenly pinned to the ground by Derek; who was now growling in his face.

“If you’re trying to intimidate me, it’s not working. So get off me!” 

“Stiles stop talking for once in your life and listen. Erica and Boyd are MY betas. They’re MY responsibility. I’m helping whether you like it or not. Deaton taught me a few tricks these past couple of weeks. I know how to stop you if I need to, so don’t test me.”

_Deep breaths and concentrate. Could he really know how to stop me? I mean he sneaked up on me without me even sensing him._

Stiles smiled, “You can’t stop me, Deaton just gave you something similar to what charms my necklace. Nice try, but next time try harder.”

He closed his eyes and imagined Derek being flung off him. When he opened them, Derek was laid on the ground metres from him. Stiles stood to his feet and walked over to Derek.

“Where’s the rest of the pack? Did they follow you?”

“No…they’re at the… house…” Derek gritted out against his will.

“Ok then, bye.” With a turn of the hand Derek was pinned to the ground and bound by roots.

Stiles began to walk away, “Sorry Derek. I really am, but you have to trust me on this. I have to do this alone.”

He picked up his pace and began running.

Stiles rested against a tree. He was getting nowhere and it was beginning to frustrate him. He was on the way to becoming an ‘all powerful being’ and he couldn’t even find what he was looking for. He thought for several minutes, but he knew if the Alpha pack didn’t want to be found, then it was an impossible mission. 

He called out to no one.

“You know what, I give up. I’ve been running around these woods for god knows how long and came up empty. If you really wanted me to find you then stop being so bloody difficult and help a guy out. I’m giving up; you want me, then come and get me. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Aw Stiles, don’t be like that. Think about your friends. And just to think you were so close.”

He turned around to see Kali and Ennis standing there. 

“Wha… but… how?”

“Hidden by magic. And I thought you were smart.”

“Kali enough, we’re not here to torment him.” 

_Time to stand my ground._

“Where are my friends?”

The alphas smirked and walked away from Stiles. _You’re not getting away, not when I’m this close._ Running after them he felt his insides burn and he doubled over in pain. 

“Aw sweetie, didn’t they ever tell you that the prey runs away from the predator, not towards them.”

The last thing Stiles saw was Kali standing above him with Ennis standing to one side.  
\---

“Ahhh, my head. It feel like, like…”

“Like someone has smashed your skull in with their foot?”

Stiles’ vision was blurred, but he knew that voice from anywhere.

“Erica?!”

“Yeah Batman, it’s me and Boyd here to. Trust me when I say go back to sleep. You will need your strength.”

“But – “

“Stiles listen to her, we will be here when you wake up. But for now if we have any chance of getting out of here, we need you at your best.”

“Boyd, you’re a wise man.”

He closed his eyes and allowed himself to sleep. Stiles woke to shouting. His eyes darted open to see the twins leave the room. He looked over to see Erica holding her arm.

“What happened?” 

“It’s nothing, we’ve had worse.”

Anger rose inside him. “What! You let them do that to you. And you,” he looked over to Boyd, “just sit there and let it happen!”

“Stiles calm down, we tried to retaliate before and we only got it worse. It’s better to take it then what the alternative is.”

He slowly nodded his head. “Ok, I understand, but I don’t like it. The next time they come in be ready to run. I’ll hold them off.”

“Stiles, we’re not-“

Boyd cut her off by holding her hand. They shared a look which Stiles couldn’t explain. _They’re hiding something._

He moved closer to them, “Guys what’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

_Fine, if they don’t want to talk about it I’m not going to push them into it. Just be happy that I found them. We’re going to get out of here. We have to._

“Alright, but when we get out of here our alpha is going to be pissed.”

Boyd’s voice filled the room with curiosity, “Why?”

Stiles brought his hand to the back of his head and rubbed his hair to try and look ‘innocent’. “I may have bound him to the ground and told him not to follow me or there will be consequences.” He cautiously looked up to see Boyd chuckling to himself and Erica looking shocked?

“Don’t worry though, he will be fine. The roots will unbind him sometime in the next day. I'm not exactly sure... So when we get out of here and make it back to the house, he will probably be pissed at me and declare his authority and put me in my place,” Stiles whispered the next part, “as usual.”

A smile spread across Erica’s face.

“It’s good to see you Batman.”

“You to Cat woman.”

"So how long have use been here? And how long was I out?"

"Erm, we were taken 'bout 4 and as far as we can tell, you've been out for at least an hour, maybe two."

"Four!? Shit, I feel terrible. I should have known sooner."

"Don't beat your self up. Derek didn't know we were gone until the Alphas sent him a sign."

Silence filled the small cell. No one sure of what to say.

“So where did use even come up with those nicknames?”

Erica gave Boyd the ‘Are you serious, you really want to talk about this right now. Have you seen the situation we’re in’ look. 

“Don’t look at me like that; we have time to kill before they come back and I’ve always been curious.”

Stiles and Erica looked at each other a smiled. “Ok,” Stiles began, “it started like two, three years ago on Halloween. I was dressed as the best super hero EVER and I was at a party. There was a group of us playing spin the bottle and when it was my turn to spin, it landed on Cat woman. And yeah, you know the rules of the game. So we kissed. After the game we went outside and looked at the stars,”

“Ah young lo-“

“Erica shh! Anyways, we didn’t really watch the stars; we were more fascinated with each other. You see everyone else at the party were dressed as princesses, princes and “  
“They were boring and unimaginative.” Stiles looked over to Erica, “Seriously, stop interrupting OUR story. Ok, so we talked for hours. Arguing and debating over superheroes. When it was time to go home we said bye and every time we saw each other we would smile and call each other Batman and Cat woman. People thought we were crazy, but we didn’t care.”

“Sounds like the beginning of an awesome friendship, what happened?”

This time it was Erica who spoke, “Before I got the bite I was epileptic and it got worse to the point where I could hardly do anything I loved without having a seizure. I didn’t want Stiles to see me like that. I had the biggest crush on him and I thought he would look at me with disgust so I stopped hanging around him. And it looked like he didn’t care so I started to think of reasons to hate him. Then when I became a wolf I used my new abilities to get back at him. So yeah…”

The room was silent. Erica was not making eye contact with anyone, Boyd looked surprised and Stiles looked confused.

“Wait, you thought I didn’t care?”

Erica looked him in the eyes, “It’s not like you tried to talk to me after I left you alone. You didn’t even try, what kind of friend just gives up on each other like that. So yeah I  
thought you didn’t care.”

_Shit, that wasn’t how it was supposed to look._

“Erica I’m sorry, honestly. When you started giving me the cold shoulder I thought I done something wrong. I thought it was best to give you some space so we could work it out, but then you literally disappeared from my life completely and Scott said it was best to leave it alone. I was a fool for listening to him.” Stiles took her hand, “I’m sorry.” 

Erica tightened her grip on his hand and pulled Stiles forward into a hug. They both ended up laying on the floor laughing. “It’s ok, I forgave you a long time ago Batman.”

Once they calmed down, Stiles sat up. “Wait, I can’t believe I’ve never asked this before, but how did use two actually get together?”

Boyd, a man of many word spoke up, “Derek.”

_Wait, what?_

Erica saw the confusion on his face, “If it wasn’t for Derek we would have never came together and bonded the way we have. At first it was weird. We didn't really know each other, but we all had something in common - we wanted to be different, wanted to change for the better. And Derek gave us that chance. Sure we knew each other from school, but we didn’t have to confidence to talk to each other back then. So really I’m thankful for Derek. Yeah, he was a bad alpha to begin with, but now he’s better and we’re better.”

Boyd nodded in agreement.

“Can Derek get any more perfect…?”

_Shit…I said that allowed…_

His eyes widened as he started to talk at a million miles per second,” Urm, I didn’t mean it like that. Or how use interpreted it. I meant he’s getting better at being the alpha and bringing people together. Like a perfect alpha would. Someone who would do anything for their pack and like you know help them out and shit. And it think that’s perfect, so when I said can he get any more perfect, I meant from an outsiders observation on his alpharing, yanoo…”

He looked up to see them looking at him with amused faces. For some reason he never told them about his crush on Derek. Maybe it was because he didn’t know how serious it was or if he was just liking the idea of someone being there for him.

“Do I detect a crush Mr Stilinski?”

“Please don’t tell him. I think he would actually kill me.”

“Don’t worry, we won’t. It’s not like we’re going to get a chance to anyways…”

_There’s that look again. They’re hiding something important._

“Guys, what do you mean? I know you’re not telling me something. There’s a reason use have been keeping me talking isn't there?” They looked defeated. “You want to stop me from figuring out something about the present? Future? Come on, help me out here!”

“Stiles, we can’t-“

At that moment the door flew from its hinges and the twin alphas walked though. “That’s enough talking. Time to do business.”

In the moments Stiles was distracted with what just happened, the twins took the opportunity to pick Erica and Boyd up and hold them by their throats with their claws extended. 

“Now, I think it’s about time you do what we say or your friends die.”

“Understand?”

He slowly nodded his head.

“Great.”

“Stand.”

_I’m hating these two already._

Stiles cautiously stood to his feet. He didn’t want to move to fast in case it caused a reaction from the alphas. “Just let them go, please.”

“How sweet. You think we care for them. They knew from the beginning they weren’t getting out of here alive.”

“We just needed them as bait for you.”

He looked at them, disbelief in his eyes, “Use knew and you didn’t tell me. Use knew use were going to die and you let me think everything was going to be alright. That we would ALL have a chance of getting out of here!”

“Stiles we didn’t mean-“

Twin alpha one tightened his grip around Erica’s throat, “Enough, stop talking.”

Stiles’ body started to shake. “What do you want?”

“We want you to join us, become a part of our pack. We will be unstoppable. We will have unimaginable power.”

“And we will consider letting these mutts go.”

“Ethan that wasn’t the deal.”

“Aiden, if we want him to join us we need him to trust us.”

“No! Deucalion won’t allow it.”

Stiles looked at Erica and then Boyd: _Guys, I know you can hear me. I’m going to take the deal. I promised I wouldn’t let anything happen to use. Just tell Derek, tell him I’m sorry._

Boyd closed his eyes, Stiles sensed guilt. _Boyd listen to me now, it’s not your fault. Don’t ever think it’s your fault. Just take care of them for me._

Boyd opened his eyes and looked directly at Stiles, everything was said in that one look which made Stiles smile. _Everything will be fine._

“Stop arguing like an old married couple,” the twins turned to Stiles and gestured for him to continue, “I accept. I will … I’ll go with you. Just promise you won’t hurt them.”

“Fine, but if you try anything,” Stiles held his hands up in surrender. Ethan released his grip on Boyd and he fell to the floor gasping for his breath back. “Aiden, come on. Stop playing games and let her go. He accepted didn’t he? That’s all Deucalion cares about!” 

“No. The mission was to use these mutts as bait to get him. And once we had him, they were to be killed. I’m not disobeying Deucalion for a teenage boy who cares about his friends well beings.”

Stiles felt his eyes start to change. If he wasn’t going to let her go willingly, he’d make him do it. Aiden looked to Stiles. Eyes shining red.

“You think you can take me, an alpha. You’re a beginner warlock. Nothing special. You may be stronger, but I’m faster.”

Time slowed down. Everything happened in slow motion, but Stiles couldn’t do anything. _He’s right, I’m not fast enough!_ Erica spoke, “It’s alright Batman…” she closed her eyes and let the tears fall.

“Erica!” 

Aiden moved his hand in one swift motion and Erica dropped to the ground. Stiles’ body was vibrating with anger, rage, death. He looked Aiden in the eyes, “You, you KILLED her!” he didn’t notice Boyd scampering over to Erica’s body. All he saw was Aiden. The monster that killed his best friend. 

“Aiden look at his eyes…”

“They’re … black… that’s not possible… he’s only …” Aiden walked back into the wall.

Stiles laughed, “What’s the matter, scared of a BEGINNER! You KILLED MY FRIEND. YOU WILL PAY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE. DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU,” he looked to Ethan, “make sure Deucalion gets the message. You kill a member of my pack, I kill a member of yours.”

Stiles closed he eyes, raised his arms and let his magic flow from his body. He was in control and he knew everything what he was doing. He opened his eyes when the screams had begun. He wanted to see his death. Stiles wanted to remember this moment forever. The day Erica died and the day he killed the person that took her away from his life. When he screams stopped, he let what was left of the body sag to the floor.

_Erica…_

Stiles dropped to his knees in front of her. He couldn’t hold the tears back any longer. He stayed there stroking her perfect hair, he wasn’t ready to let go. 

“Stiles.”

No answer. “Stiles, we need to get out of here…” no answer. Boyd grabbed his shoulders and made him look at him. Stiles had never seen so much grief on Boyd’s face and it broke his heart even more. “Stiles we have to get out of here before they come back. Ethan left as soon as you… and no doubt they will be back. We NEED to get out of here.” He shuck his head, _no._

“I-I-I can save h-her. I-I need to be able to save her…” Stiles moved his hands until one was hovering over her neck and the other her heart. “My, my white magic. It should, it has to, she can’t. I need, we need her Boyd. I’m not letting her go...” 

Boyd watched as Stiles closed his eyes and strained his body hoping something would happen. It broke his heart to see his friend like this; Stiles’ attempt at saving her wasn’t working and Boyd couldn’t stand it anymore. Stiles was holding onto hope which wasn’t there. As much as it hurt him to tell Stiles to stop, it hurt more knowing that Erica was never coming back. 

Boyd took Stiles’ hands in his own and his voice was defeated, “Stiles, please stop. It’s not working – we have to get out of here before we die to. Stiles!”

Stiles slowly width drew his hands and opened his eyes. _You can kill someone, but you can’t save someone. How pathetic am i?_

“We … can’t leave her. She deserves to be with the pack when we….” _Burry her…_

They both got to their feet. Everything Stiles saw was grey. _Drained from life, just like Erica. How could I let – no, now’s not the time for that. You need to be there for Boyd._

Boyd had Erica in his arms, tears streaming from his face. “Come on, it’s about time we got back to the pack. They’ll want to know what happened…”

He watched Boyd walk out of the room. _This is all my fault. I should have been faster. I’m never enough, useless…_

“Stiles!”

“Yeah, I’m coming…”

He left the room without looking back. He didn’t want to see what he had caused. Or what he had failed to do…


	9. Chapter 9

Everything was silent; the only thing to be heard was the crunch of the leaves beneath their feet. Boyd led the way back to the house with Erica in his arms. Stiles lingered behind him, he couldn’t face Boyd knowing that he was to blame for Erica’s death. To be honest he didn’t like facing anyone, he wanted to be alone. He ~~needed~~ deserved to be alone.  
He started to walk in a different direction to Boyd and the young wolf didn’t notice until all that was left was a whisper of Stiles’ voice hanging in the air, “I’m sorry…”

Boyd carefully looked around in every direction hoping to catch a glimpse of Stiles, but saw nothing of him. “Dammit Stiles!”

He looked down at Erica knowing he was coming close to the pack. How was he going to explain what happened? How could he ever look at Derek the same, knowing that he survived, but Erica hadn’t? As he reached the end of the tree line, he saw the pack sprawled over the grass with Derek leaning against the front of the burned down porch with a scowl on his face. He tried to speak, but no words left.

It was Derek who noticed him first; a small smile appeared on his face until he saw Boyd’s tears… “Boyd…” he walked forward causing the rest of the pack to look up. Everyone was shocked into silence. It was only until Derek came to a stop in front of Boyd did Boyd break down and collapse to the floor, keeping Erica tight to his chest. Derek knelt beside him lost for words. He had never seen Boyd like this, hell he wasn’t even sure what to do with himself. He had just lost one of his beta's. Erica, the wolf who changed most as a person. Who had gotten her confidence back. The first person to actually have to guts to tease and torment Derek over silly things. She never took anything seriously, she loved her new life and what she was becoming. Out of all his beta’s, Erica was probably the only one who truly understood the gift the bite held – and now, well now she was gone and that scared the shit out of Derek. He lifted his hand and rested it on Boyd’s shoulder; then he slowly took his other hand and placed it on Erica’s head, running his fingers through her hair. 

“She’s gone Derek…” 

Derek felt the pack close in around them. They all dropped to the floor and took comfort in each other’s touch. He needed answers, but all he could croak out was, “How?”

Boyd lifted his head, looked at Derek and tried to recall what happened, “We were out…having fun. She, she was showing me a place she loved and out of nowhere the alphas took us. We woke in a room with a locked door… twins came and tortured us asking who the warlock was. They thought it was either Stiles or Lydia. And we told them,” he looked down back at Erica, “You have to believe me Derek, we didn’t want to, but they threatened the rest of the pack and our families. We could take the pain, but we couldn’t take anyone else getting hurt because of us. And that’s when Stiles came. He looked like hell so we kept positive. We convinced him we were going to…get out…alive. We deceived him and he believe us.

Then the twins came back – everything happen so fast. One second we were on the floor and the next they had us by our throats. Stiles got mad. His eyes went, black. He killed one of them, but not before. Not before he … killed Erica…”

It was Scott who spoke next, “Boyd, where’s Stiles now?”

“I don’t know, he ran off saying he was sorry. He blames himself…”

Derek looked at each and every pack member before lifting his head back and letting out a howl full of emotion. The rest of the pack followed suit…

\--

Stiles motionlessly entered his house and was glad he dad wasn’t in; he couldn’t take the questions, he couldn’t handle anything right now. Once he entered his room he looked at his reflection in the mirror he had replaced and let out a frustrated scream. Stiles tore his room apart, starting with the mirror. Books, posters, laptop, shelves, everything made its way to the floor. The only thing untouched was his bed. The place where he could drown in his misery. 

He dropped to the floor; the wind carried the wolves’ howls through the air and Stiles let go. He reached under his bed and pulled out a small tin that contained all the blades he had collected over the years. With his hands shaking, he clenched them to try and stop them. He needed to do it and that wasn’t going to happen if his bloody hands wouldn’t function. Stiles pushed up his sleeves, took a blade and tried to forget…

_Forget how useless I am. He was right, I’m too slow, too weak. All this power and I couldn’t save her – I let my best friend die. The one person who truly understood me is…dead… and it’s my fault. Everything is my fault. If I didn’t start using my magic, the alphas wouldn’t have took them. Erica would still be alive if I wasn’t trying to prove myself to a bunch of people who still take no interest in me. She was the only one… Boyd tolerated me and now, now I’ve killed his girlfriend. He’s going to want me dead – everyone will hate me! Derek… he was starting to get better. Now look at what you’ve done! You’ve went and killed a member of his pack – his original pack. I’m the one that should have died! She had her full life a head of her. Full of joy and amazement and I took that away from her. Me, a person who wants to be alive, who fucking self-harms and is destroying his life survived! If it wasn’t for me…I’m better off dead!_

Stiles looked down at his butchered wrists, _one more won’t hurt._ This time he placed the blade directly over his vein, closed his eyes and applied the right amount of pressure. He was about to drag the blade across and end it all when he felt a hand enclose round his. His hand was pulled away from his wrist and the blade was flung across the room. Stiles opened his eyes to see a blurry version of Derek sat in front of him holding his hands looking down at his wrists. 

“Why did you stop me…” Stiles’ voice was defeated and Derek looked up to see him drained of life. His wolf howled inside him, he did not want to see Stiles like this. Everything made sense now. The boy who ran with wolves was more broken then anyone. He used sarcasm and humour to deflect – he made that necklace to help hide away who he really was. Derek wasn’t sure he knew the person sitting in front of him now. How could he have not noticed? The one person he never gave up on him was giving up on himself – how the fuck did Derek miss that.

“You would have died if I didn’t…”

Stiles looked at him with eyes filled with hurt and guilt. “I was ready to-“

“No, never say that.” Derek didn’t know what Stiles was thinking, but he was too quiet for his liking. He looked back down at the bloodied wrists. Why? 

“Hey, hey, look at me. If you don’t heal yourself you could slowly bleed out until…”

“Good…”

“No, not good. Stiles please.”

“Why should I heal myself when I couldn’t heal her... it’s my fault, I deserve this…” 

Derek growled and Stiles looked at him in confusion. _Why is he growling? I mentioned her, he wants to kill me…_

“Stiles, I will not let you die. I can’t lose another member of my pack…I can’t lose you. I won’t allow you to die. Do you understand me?”

_Stupid! I never think of anyone but myself!_

Stiles eyes went white as his wounds started to heal. Once he felt the skin knit together he stopped. _Remember what you’ve done._

His eyes opened to find Derek gone. _He doesn’t want to be around me anymore – I don’t blame him. After everything I’ve done…more like didn’t do…_

“Stiles!”

He snapped out of his thoughts to see Derek knelt in front of him. 

“Sorry, I was…you know…”

Slowly Derek nodded like he understood; he took one of Stiles arm and placed a wet wash cloth over it and wiped away the blood – he then done the same with the other arm. 

Derek let his fingers trace over the scars. “Why do you leave them? Why not heal yourself fully?”

_Not the question I expected._

“I, urm… I like to see them,” Derek looked up as if he wanted Stiles to continue, “I-I need to remember and they help bring things in perspective. They help me remember who I am and what I did…”

“It wasn’t your fault you know.” This time it was Stiles who looked up for Derek to continue, “Erica’s death isn’t, wasn’t your fault.”

“Derek don’t,”

“No, you don’t need to blame yourself. It’s not your fault, ok –“

“Derek just drop it!” 

_How can he say that? It is my fault. She’s dead because I couldn’t heal her._

“Fine. But we’re going to have to confront your demons sooner or later.”

 _What…_ “We?”

Derek pulled Stiles into a hug, “We can get through this together; nobody deserves to go through this alone.” 

Like any other night Derek spent the night; but instead of sleeping in the chair, this time he slept in Stiles’ bed with Stiles tightly curled into him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me if there are any mistakes and i will fix them.  
> Feedback is always welcome :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, this might be the last chapter i will post for a while.  
> Tell me if there are any mistakes and i'll fix them.  
> Feedback is always welcome.  
> by the way, at the end of the chapter something happens and it's my first time writing anything like that so it's bad and thats why its short. So yeah haha...

“Stiles.”

He turned his head to the direction the voice was coming from; it sounded familiar, but something seemed different. 

“Stiles, look at me.” 

He looked everywhere possible but saw nothing. Literally, he was stood in an endless white room. He closed his eyes, trying to remember how he got here, but came up blank. 

“Look at what you’ve done!”

When he opened his eyes Erica was stood in front of him, bloody from the neck down. She brought her hand to his neck and let her claws extend.

“Eri-ca…” he choked out.

An evil smile appeared on her face, “You killed me! You done this to me!” Her grip tightened. Stiles eyes puddled with tears, “I’m sorry… I was…to slow…my…fault…”

“Let’s see how you like it!”

Stiles eyes went wide when he realised what she meant. He didn’t struggle, he deserved what was about to come. He looked her in the eyes and accepted his fate. Erica laughed, tightened her grip and ripped out Stiles’ throat.

\--

Stiles jumped up from his current position, sat covered in sweat on his bed. He started to rock back and forth mumbling, “It’s all my fault.” Over and over again. The chorus of Stiles un-nerving voice woke Derek. He watched Stiles trying to work out what to do. He couldn’t sense what was wrong with him because of his necklace, but he had a pretty good idea of what it was. 

“Stiles.”

Nothing, “Stiles, what’s the matter?” He placed his hand on his back and was glad when he didn’t flinch. “Come on, talk to me.” Derek shifted so he was sat behind Stiles with his legs around Stiles and his arms wrapped around his body. He found Stiles’ hands covered them with his own. 

Stiles tilted his head to look at Derek, “She killed me…Blamed me…I-I let her…my fault…” 

“It was a dream, it wasn’t real-“

“It felt real. S-she looked real…”

He realised that his approach of trying to get Stiles to calm down wasn’t working, so he thought of a new one. 

“Stiles, Erica isn’t here, I am,” he hated the next words that came out of his mouth, but if Stiles thought she was real, he’d play along, “S-she can’t hurt you now.”

He felt Stiles slowly begin to calm down, but he wasn’t sure that was good enough. He could feel how erratic his heart beat was. “Try and focus on your anchor. Let it fill your thoughts, your body. Reach out for it and hold on.” 

Stiles nodded. _Easy to do when you’re right here big guy._ After a couple of minutes of silence, Derek finally felt Stiles calm down. The sun light appeared through the window and Stiles moved from Derek’s hold. 

“My dad w-“

“Is downstairs, he came in early last night and got up a while back.” Derek sniffed the air, “And is making coffee and Bacon.”

“Ok…Wait, what? Bacon? Oh no he doesn’t.” 

Stiles got up from his bed and started to leave the room, “I’ll be back, don’t go?” His voice was so hopeful, it made Derek want to hold onto him and never let go.  
“Yeah.”

Once Stiles reached the kitchen he stopped in the door way and watched his dad; going about his usual business with no clue of what happened last night. He needed to tell him, but first he had to stop him from eating that bacon he had no clue how he got.

“Put it down mister.”

The sheriff, who was clearly startled, turned round and pointed the spatula at Stiles, “You don’t get to tell me what to do. I’m the father so I can do what I want.”

_Weird; he never normally acts like this unless… shit, I’m in trouble. Play it cool and make a quick escape. I do not need this right now._

“Ok daddy-o, you’re the boss. I’m just gunna…” Stiles pointed towards the stairs and began to walk backwards keeping his eyes on his dad. 

The sheriff played along and pointed along with him, “Oh, you’re going upstairs,” Stiles nodded and saw a fake smile appear on his dad’s face, “to get Derek and bring him down for breakfast.” 

At that point Stiles turned and bolted to his room only to hear his dad laughing at him. Once he entered his room he scowled at Derek and jabbed him with his finger. 

“What was that for?”

“You heard. Dad. Downstairs. Now. This is your fault Sourwolf.”

Derek gave a confused look, “How’s this my fault?”

“You normally leave by the time I wake up and this time you didn’t. I’ll let you put the rest of the pieces together when we’re going downstairs to have breakfast with MY DAD.”

Stiles walked out of the room with Derek in toe. They both entered the kitchen avoiding the Sheriff’s gaze. 

“Boys. Sit.” 

They sat opposite each other and Stiles kicked Derek under the table only to have Derek kick back harder. 

“Ahhhhh,” his dad looked surprised at the outburst and Stiles saw Derek quietly trying to hide a laugh. “Ahhhh is the bacon for us. To eat… for breakfast…” _Few good save…NOT…_

The Sheriff sat at the head of the table and looked from Stiles to Derek. “I only have three questions, I want them answered and then use can leave.”

“Why three?”

Derek glared at him, “What, it’s a valid question.”

“There’s three because I only have time for three. I have to go into the station soon, something happened and they need me.”

“Woah is everything alright?”

“You know I can’t talk about it Stiles. Now, Question one; why was Derek in your bed? Two, are use using protection? And three, why is your room trashed? And if it has anything to do what you do with Derek I don’t want to know.” 

Stiles stared with his mouth open, “You think we’re – we’re not. Why would you even think – wait, you really think I could bag someone like Derek.” He turned to Derek, “Dude, he thinks I could sex you up.”

“Fist don’t call me dude and second, _sex me up?”_

He was about to answer when his dad interrupted, “Wait hang on. Use aren’t, weren’t having you know, sex?”

“No.” They both said in unison. Out of the corner of his eye Stiles saw Derek turning a lovely shade of red. _Aw, Sourwolf is actually embarrassed. He looks so adorable and sexy and lickable… mmm…_

“Stiles, you ok there? You like you want to-“

“Fine dad. Can we go now?” Stiles stood to his feet before he answered.

It was easy to forget for a couple of minutes what had happened. Have a bit of banter, but then everything dawned on him and he needed to get away.

“Wait a minute son. Two of the questions are still on the table.”

“Don’t want to talk about it dad.”

“Stiles.”

“Nope. Come on Derek.” Derek stood as did the Sheriff.

“Both of you stay now! How hard can it be to answer two questions?”

Derek looked to Stiles, “I was with Stiles last night because of something that happened. He didn’t want to be alone and I was being a good friend so I stayed. Sir.”

“Sir, seriously?”

“Stiles. At least he has the manners to answer, unlike you.”

“Dad don’t.”

“Stiles what’s wrong? Why did you trash your room?”

“OH MY GOD! ERICA DIED LAST NIGHT AND IT WAS MY FAULT! HAPPY NOW?” he turned and ran up the stairs slamming the door behind him. 

A sigh escaped the Sheriffs mouth as he rubbed his forehead; he looked at the time and then to Derek, “Damn it, I have to go. Just make sure he’s… tell him I’ll be back as soon I as can.”

Derek shuck his head in disbelieve, “What could be more important than staying with your son when he needs someone with him. You do realise what he said. He blames himself and you’re just leaving him?” 

He looked defeated, “Derek, I’m going to let you off the hook with that. If you think I would really leave my son like this then you’re wrong. I have no choice! Last night four people were killed. The wounds on their bodies were what you would call from a werewolf. No doubt from the alphas! And if I’m not there to cover things up, things could get messy and difficult. Now tell my son I will be home as soon as I can.”

Derek nodded and watched the Sheriff leave. He walked into Stiles’ room to see him sat in the middle of his bed cleaning blood from his arm.

“Stiles…”

“I needed…” _How pathetic do I sound…_

He watched Derek walk to edge of his bed and sit opposite him. “It’s ok.” 

“How can you be acting so calm? Anyone else would have freaked out on me and shouted, telling me to stop being stupid.”

Derek took his jacket off and bared his arms to Stiles. “There’s nothing there.” 

_What’s he doing? Is he mocking me?_

When Derek spoke he sounded far older then he looked, “Just because you can’t see scars doesn’t mean there weren’t wounds.” 

_What. Did he. Shit._ “Derek…”

Derek took Stiles’ hands, “It’s ok. I don’t really talk about it, but maybe I should. I haven’t done it since I was a teenager, but the pain and memories are still there. It started after my family were killed. I know now it wasn’t my fault, but back then I convinced myself it was. If it wasn’t for me being naïve and gullible they would still be alive – that’s what I told myself for years. I was angry at myself and I took it out on myself. But Laura was there to help. Every day she would tell me it wasn’t my fault – that she didn’t blame me and then one day I started to believe her. Stiles, getting free from this won’t be easy, nor will letting yourself know it wasn’t your fault. But I’m here to help and here to listen.”

“When did you learn to talk? Seriously, when I first met you, you talked with one word sentences.”

“Maybe I picked it up from someone I know who would never stop talking. Seriously, they would speak with hundreds of words to a sentence.”

“Touché.”

Stiles looked down at his arms, “I guess you’re expecting me to talk now?”

“I’m not expecting you to do anything. I’ll listen when you’re ready to talk.”

_Damn he’s so perfect. I don’t deserve him, this. But maybe… baby steps. I can always stop if it gets too much to handle._

He moved his hands from Derek’s and removed his necklace. The weight of emotion hit Derek so hard. “Stiles,”

“It’s ok. It’s about time I told someone. I always wanted to tell Scott, but he would never understand and I didn’t want to lose him. I was ten and my mam was different. I could sense it. And one day I,” _come on, I can get through this,_ “I came home from school. She was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. I asked her what was wrong, all she said was it needed to be out – that she need help. She needed my dad to take her to someone. In that moment I done what any other son would do, I hugged her, but something sparked and I was sent flying towards the wall. I got up and went to her because she was crying and mumbling how sorry she was. That she never meant to hurt me. I couldn’t leave her like that. I reached out saying it was ok, that it was an accident and when I touched her she fell to the ground. I knelt beside her and every time I touched her she got worse – I didn’t understand what was happening. So I turned away and left her. I couldn’t do anything. I should have waited for my dad to get home from work, but I didn’t. My touch… it killed her… she died because of me and I couldn’t even look at her in the end…”

Derek wiped the tears from Stiles’ face, “Like you said you didn’t understand what was happening. You were ten. Stiles it was an accident. You weren’t to know that would happen.”

Stiles continued, Derek wasn’t sure if he heard what he had said, “That night I took comfort in a blade. It helped. And over the years I used it as a coping mechanism. Scott didn’t notice because I didn’t want him to know. I hid it from him and when werewolves started to enter my life it was hard to hide at first. Scott asked why I smelt hurt and I told him it was from lacrosse and he believed me. He wasn’t really good with being a wolf to begin with so I could get away with white lies, but I knew it could last long. So I experimented with different liquids and sprays to hide the smell of blood and I put on a mask. It worked so well. No one knew. And when I learnt magic it became too easy.”

_Damn it feels good to get that out in the open. What Derek said, it was an accident, I know it was, but at the end of the day it was still my fault… Everything is always my fault. I always end up getting the people I care about most killed. First my mam, then Erica…who’s next?_

“Stiles. Promise me one thing.”

“What.” A voice so broken shouldn’t be left unattended.

“When it’s just you and me, don’t wear that necklace. If I’m helping you, I need it to be you and not what you want people to see. Ok?”

 _I can do that._ Stiles nodded. 

“Oh, one more thing. Whenever you want to cut, come to me. I’ll help you through it and if I’m not with you, call me. Can you do that?”

_To be fair, he’s not asking for much. He’s not demanding me to stop. Derek actually wants to help…_

“Yeah. Derek, you’re my anchor,” Stiles looked at Derek hoping he wouldn’t freak out. He continued before Derek would run for it, “It’s always been you, since the beginning. You talk to me more than anyone else, confide in me. You found me when I didn’t want to be found… You wanted to help me for a while now without knowing what was wrong. You brought me back from torturing Jackson when no one else could. You understand and don’t judge. You make me feel human, alive. You ground me and that’s why you’re my anchor.”

He watched as Derek processed what he said. _It’s like watching a puppy trying to find its way home. He’s lost and doesn’t know what to do._

“Just thought I’d let you know. You alright, you look like you’re having an eternal breakdown.”

“I’m good. Great.” He smiled at Stiles, “Thank you.” 

“Thank you?”

“You trust me.”

“Wow, what gave it away Sourwolf? The fact that you’re my anchor, or the fact that I have like the biggest crush ever on you.” 

_Shit. Shit. Shit. I didn’t mean to say that – I’ve defiantly scared him off now. He didn’t sign up for this. He made his feelings clear as day when he told me not to read too much into things. Why do I keep messing up?_

“Judging by the look on your face you didn’t mean to say that aloud.”

Stiles watched as Derek moved his hand to the side of Stiles’ face. He looks amazed? 

“Derek, why haven’t you ran off yet? I’m broken, I killed your beta,” Derek let out a growl which he ignored, “ You find me cutting myself and offer to help me through things, my dad thought we were having sex and you got embarrassed, I tell you you’re my anchor and that I like you and you’re still here. Anyone in their right mind would have ran off by now. But you haven’t. After everything that’s happened you’re still here. Why?”

Derek shifted his position so he wasn’t sat crossed legged in front of Stiles anymore. He rested on his calves and towered over Stiles. The hand that was on Stiles’ face moved to his chin and tipped his head upwards so Derek was looking directly in his eyes. 

“You didn’t kill Erica. I will never blame you for her death. Never. I hope you’re paying attention because I will probably never repeat any of this again. Yeah, you may be broken, but I’m not leaving you. I will help you pick up the pieces and put yourself back together. From the moment I met you i thought you were this loud mouth smart-ass hyperactive spaz, but then I got to know you more. You were persistent and never left me alone. Always questioning me. Keeping me on my toes. I found you fascinating Stiles. Always have and always will. And a wise person once told me to stop being a Sourwolf and if I wanted to know something, then try being in their life. And I want to be in your life Stiles.”

_Well fuck me silly, my Sourwolf likes me. Derek Hale likes me. What has this world come to?_

“I don’t deserve you-“

“Yes you do. Now shut up so I can kiss you.”

Derek dipped his head, took his hands to the side of Stiles’ head and slowly let their lips meet. His wolf howled in satisfaction and Stiles made a noise which he would probably deny the rest of his life…Stiles broke the kiss and let his head hang back, baring his neck to Derek – his eyes flashed red, a rough growl emitted from his throat and he let his teeth sink into Stiles’ neck; not enough to break the skin, but enough to smell the arousal coming from Stiles.

He gently pushed Stiles back on the bed and straddled his hips. Derek placed his hands either side of Stiles’ head, breathing heavy trying to control his wolf. 

“Stiles,” he panted. 

“Derek,” he whispered. 

Derek lowered his head and rested their foreheads together, “I-“

“I’m still a virgin.” _Nice one Stiles, way to blurt that out. What a mood killer…_

Derek smirked, “I know, just. Do you want this?”

“This, I’ve got a Sex God on top of me and you’re questioning whether or not I want to have sex with you.” Stiles licked his lips and bucked his hips into Derek, 

“Does that answer your question?”

Derek sat back earning a whimper from Stiles, “I’m not going anywhere.” Slowly he pulled his shirt off and began to undo his jeans. In one quick movement Derek clothes where on the floor and he was sat naked on top of a fully clothed Stiles. Derek could smell the want coming from him and he wasted no time getting Stiles naked too. 

He watched as Stiles brought his hands up to explore his body. Stiles ghostly trailed his fingers from Derek’s chest round towards his back; Derek shuddered as Stiles applied pressure and dug his nails into his back and dragged them down. “Stiles,” Derek purred. “Shh Sourwolf.”

Stiles brought his hands back round and ran his fingers down Derek’s body. “Stiles,” he pleaded.

“Alright big guy, woo me with your godly skills.” 

Hungrily, Derek grabbed Stiles hands and pinned them behind his head and started nipping at Stiles’ collarbone. Stiles made a strangled noise in the back of his throat when Derek slowly rolled his hips. 

“Fuck, Derek,” he breathed.

With his free hand Derek trailed the back of his hand down Stiles’ body and heatedly held both cocks. His lips brushed against Stiles’ ear, “What do you want Stiles?” he teased.

Swallowing hard he panted, “Stop fucking teasing and move.”

Stiles arched his back at the sensation of his and Derek’s cock rubbing together.

“Oh My God Derek, Fuck, Jesus Fucking Christ.” 

He inhaled sharply when Derek began to get faster; in a needy way he rutted into Derek’s hand – his breathing hitched as he felt close. “Derek, I’m gunna… Fuck…”

“Derek!” he cried out. His body jerked as he released his load over Derek’s hand; Stiles went limp and saw stars. He breathed heavily trying to regain his breath.  
That was all Derek needed to send him over the edge; his eyes closed tight and he breathed out Stiles’ name. Steadily, he brought his hand up to his lips, looked Stiles in the eye and let his tongue lap up both of their cum. Stiles made a needy pleading noise so Derek bent down flicked his tongue into Stiles’ mouth and grunted as Stiles sucked his tongue tasting himself and Derek. He dropped and collapsed beside Stiles, unpinning Stiles hands in the motion. 

“That…was…epic…”

Derek, who was now laid on his front, shifted closer to Stile, nuzzled his neck and hummed in agreement...


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for not posting in months. I had writers block and then when I knew what to write I had to revise for mocks and then I had to finish all of my coursework. Also, I recently just sat two of my GCSE's and more mocks. Yay. so that's why I haven't posted.  
> So here's a new chapter, I hope you like it. I know some things are not descriptive in detail, but hopefully what's wrote will get the point across and move the story along.  
> The rest of my GCSE's are in a month and I really need to revise, so it might be a while before the next update, but not as long as it was before.  
> If there are any mistakes let me know and I'll fix them.  
> Feedback is always welcome. Sorry again for making you wait. :)

_It’s been two weeks since Derek and I got together. Since he found out who I truly was. Since I killed Erica. Every day Derek tells me it’s wasn’t my fault. Part of me is starting to believe him, but believing and accepting are two completely different things. I want to accept there was nothing I could have done. Erica was…she was dead by the time she hit the floor._

_According to Deaton I can do extraordinary things with my magic, manipulate structures, control the elements to some degree and create energy. But I can’t control life and death. Sure I could kill people, anyone can. But no one can control life itself and what it stands for. As for death, that’s written in stone. It can’t be changed. Deaton said that once someone dies, their soul is gone which means their life is gone so no magic can bring them back. Unless…unless said person who died soul is leaving their body and said Warlock can capture it and put it safely back in their body._

_What I would have gave to of had this information weeks ago. I could have saved Erica. But in perspective … I couldn’t, my white magic is nowhere as near as strong as my dark. So that’s what I’ve been doing these two weeks. Ignoring everyone and engrossing myself into books and spells on healing. I need to be ready for when the Alpha pack strikes again. They’ve been quiet since that night. Nobody knows what’s going on. Not even Derek._

_Ah, the Sourwolf has went into full alert. He wants to be ready, just like I do. Every day he has demanded training – not that anyone complained. Everyone grieves in different ways right? I don’t think it’s hit the pack properly yet. Once they get their revenge and everything is over, then it will hit them; when everything is quiet and they have time to stop and think._

_Things between Derek and I should have been weird or at least awkward. But they weren’t. It’s like we just fit? We get each other and things run smoothly – well as smoothly as things can be in these circumstances. We haven’t done anything since that night. I mean we make out, but nothing below the waste; it was kind of awkward when we were caught up in the moment and my dad walked in on us. Not something anyone should ever have to go through._

_My mind always wonders back to Erica. Even now I can’t help but think of her. Every night I have the same dream. The once where she tells me it’s my fault and then claws out my throat. For fourteen days I've let Erica kill me and each night it torments my mind and sou. I’ve told Derek and he didn’t know what they meant, so he’s taking me to see Deaton today - just to be on the safe side._

_And then. Then it’s Erica’s funeral. I honestly don’t think I can hold it together. If I’m like this I can’t imagine what Boyd will be like… God Boyd. He hasn’t talked since that night. All he does is train. His own alpha can’t even get through to him. God help the Alpha pack._

Stiles closed the book as Derek climbed in through the window. He got up to meet him and kissed him lightly before returning back to the bed. Stiles at one end with Derek moving to the other. 

“Hey.” 

“Hi.” Derek replied whist tapping his chest. Once Stiles had taken his pendent off the conversation started. Derek took Stiles’ hand, “You ok?”

A small smile crept onto his face. He loved how Derek would always ask how he was even though he already had an indication – to Stiles it showed he cared and that he was interested in him. 

“Not really,” Stiles looked down and rubbed his wrists, “I wanted to, but I didn’t. I wrote instead.” 

“New coping mechanism?”

“Only time can tell…”

“You could have called.”

“You were training with the pack, I didn’t want to disturb. Especially not today.”

Derek shifted to the over end of the bed and took Stiles in his arms. “Anything for you Stiles. I would have come. All you needed to do was say. I have before, haven’t I?”

“Yeah…” _but you won’t always be there when I need you._

“Hey, come on. Talk to me. What is it?”

Stiles angled his head so he was looking Derek in the eyes. “I can’t always expect you to be there for me. I need to be able to cope when you’re not there. I need to be able to trust myself to be alone with me.”

Derek lent down and kissed Stiles, “Okay, but if it ever gets bad. And I mean bad-“

“Yeah I’ll call you Worrywolf.”

They shared that moment, but they knew it had to come to an end. “Ready for today?”

“Is anyone?”

“The pack are getting ready. They haven’t been this silent since that night. It’s un-nerving. We have to be there in an hour, so we better get going to see Deaton. That’s if you still want to?”

“Yeah, you never know, these dreams could mean something.” 

_And boy was I right._

“So what you’re saying Doc, is that these dreams aren’t dreams. It’s Erica trying to contact me in my sleep.”

Stiles lent beside the medical table in disbelief with Derek standing close. 

“That is when the mind is at its most vulnerable. Erica’s soul has somehow managed to cling to a part of you.” He paused a beat before asking, “What happened right before she was killed?”

_Way to get straight to the point. What happened to when he was all mysterious and vague?_

“I talked to them through my mind and-“

“That’s it.”

“What’s it?” Derek asked.

“Erica must have held onto that connection when she died. It may seem impossible, but magic is a two way street when you open your mind.”

“So Erica is haunting me every night, telling me the same thing and then killing me.”

“Interesting."

Stiles laughed in disbelief, "Interesting? Erica is killing me every night and I can't stop her."

"Tell me Stiles, in these ‘dreams’, who’s in control. You are Erica?”

Confusion was written all over his face. “I’ve never thought of it like that, but … Erica is. I just stand there and let her do what I know she’s going to do.”

“What has this got to do with anything, she-“

Deaton held up his hand to silence Derek. “Next time she comes to you. Be in-control. Take over and see what happens. That’s all I can tell you. Now if you don’t mind,” Deaton ushered them to the door, “I believe you have somewhere you have to be.”  
\--

Stiles and Derek sat in the car. About 20 metres away was Erica’s body ready to be lowered into the ground; he saw Erica’s family take their seats with Boyd joining them and the pack standing behind them. Other people were making their way over – people Stiles didn’t recognise. 

“Stiles?”

He turned to look at Derek, “Mhm.”

“You ready to go over?”

_No. Yes. Who knows!_

Stiles pulled out his necklace from his pocket, placed it around his neck, “Now I am.”

They got out of the car and silently made their way over to the pack. Stiles made a small smile at Erica’s parents which was returned, but couldn’t face to look at Boyd or anyone else or that matter. Once they were stood in place and the rest of her relatives and friends made their way over, the funeral began. 

Stiles zoned out. Him being there was enough. He couldn’t go through this again. Not after his mothers. Not after finding out that Erica could still be alive in some form. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye, not until he’s tried everything he can. Stiles looked to the ground and closed his eyes.

_Erica? You there? Nothing… Hey Cat woman? I’m not accepting you’re gone. Not yet. ERICA!_

_“Stiles, look at me.” ___

The ‘dream’ appeared in his mind. Stiles was stood in the white room waiting for Erica to show herself.

_“Look at what you’ve done!”_

Erica was stood in front of him, bloody from the neck down. She brought her hand to his neck and let her claws extend.

 _“Eri-ca… wait…”_ he choked out.

An evil smile appeared on her face, _“You killed me! You done this to me!”_ Her grip tightened. Stiles eyes puddled with tears, _“I’m sorry… I was…to slow…wasn’t … my…fault…”_

_“Just because you say it wasn’t your fault doesn’t make it true. You did this to me. Let’s see how you like it!”_

This time he struggled, he tried to take control. To get her to listen, but for the second time, he wasn’t fat enough. Erica laughed, tightened her grip and ripped out Stiles’ throat. 

He opened his eyes and a sharp intake of breath filled his lungs. Derek looked to him wanting to ask if he was okay. 

_“I’m fine, I’ll explain later.”_ Derek’s eyes widened when he heard Stiles voice in his head and not out loud; it was unusual. He eyed in suspiciously, but soon nodded his head. 

_Dammit Erica! You’re not going to make this easy for me are you?_

He was pretty sure he heard a soft laugh coming from somewhere. So he tried again. _Erica?_

 _Shhhh Batman. Enjoy my funeral. I know I am…_  
\--  
After the funeral everyone said their goodbyes and made their separate ways; except the pack, they went back to the Hale house. Everyone was silent, some standing, and some sitting on the grass. Nobody knew what to say. How to put into words what just happened.

Normally Stiles would try to break the atmosphere by talking about anything until people followed suit, but right now. After the funeral and what just happened, it didn’t seem appropriate. 

“Before the funeral, Stiles and I went to see Deaton about something that could help us. Something we need.”

Heads turned to look between Derek and Stiles. Curiosity on their faces, except Boyd’s. 

“Derek, I know you’re the alpha and you decided what happens. But right now can we not. We just buried our friend, part of the pack, my girlfriend.” 

“Just hear him out…” That was all Stiles said before starting off into the distance. He couldn’t focus on them right now. Not when he nearly had her. 

Derek waited for Boyd’s approval before he continued. “Over the past two weeks, Stiles has been having the same dream every night. They always end in Erica killing him saying it was his fault.”

“Derek, we’ve all dreamt of Erica. Maybe not to the same degree as Stiles. But there’s nothing there.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Boyd. Deaton said that Erica’s soul is a part of Stiles and she’s trying to communicate.” 

Realising what he just said he continued, “It sounds crazy, but it’s true.”

By the looks on their faces nobody was convinced. Boyd looked disgusted. “I’ve made my peace and said goodbye. All I have left to do it kill the alpha pack. I’m not re-opening that door when I’ll probably have to say goodbye again because what you’re saying isn’t true. Erica’s gone Derek…”

“Well if that’s what you think, then maybe I’ll just have to find myself a new boyfriend.” 

Everyone’s head snapped in the direction of the voice they thought they would never hear again. 

“Erica..”

“The one and only, Lyds.”

“You’re dead…”

“Isaac I would rethink that statement.”

“You’re back.”

“Indeed I am, Scotty Boy. But not for long.”

“How?”

“Stiles. Boyd, Derek wasn’t lying. I know it’s hard to believe, but you have to trust me.”

For the first time in two weeks Boyd smiled. He moved so quick to hug his girlfriend, that Erica didn’t get a chance to warn him. Boyd ran straight though her and stumbled until he regained his balance. She turned to face Boyd. “I have to go. Stiles can’t hold on for much longer. I love you Boyd.” 

Tears slowly pooled in his eyes, “I love- “ all of a sudden Erica vanished, like she wasn’t even there to begin with, “you to..” he said to thin air.

Jackson was the first to break the silence, “Ok, what just happened?”

They all turned to Derek for answers, but all he could do was turn to Stiles. Who was sat crossed leged, eyes open glowing white…


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry it's been a while since I've updated, but I can finally say that I've finished this story - the ending will be posted in the next chapter :)  
> if there are any mistake let me know and i'll fix them. I've been writing continuously for hours and I can't see straight so if things don't make sense I apologise.  
> feel free to leave feedback :)

Meanwhile…

“Just hear him out…” was all Stiles could manage to say; he was so close to getting to Erica, he just couldn’t understand what was going on. Stiles was certain he heard her voice out of the normal ‘dream’ state. The voices that surrounded him became mute – he closed his eyes and searched, searched for anything that gave him answers; anything that gave him hope.

_Be in control, how the hell am I supposed to do that when she keeps on killing me? Erica, I don’t know if you can even hear me, but I’m going to try. To try and be in control. Deaton could be wrong, you might just be a figment of my imagination, but I don’t want to believe that. I want to believe that it’s actually you. Erica…Boyd, h-he needs you…the pack needs you…I…I need you…_

_These two weeks have been hell and your dreams haven’t been helping; every day I’m reminded that I got you killed and it’s too much to take – it’s driving me insane, you’re driving me insane!_

_Huh, look at me; I’m pathetic. Erica…Please…give me something, anything; I just need to know that you’re here…please…_

_‘Jesus, Stiles. I wanted to do this in a more dramatic and fun way, but I hate to see people beg.’_

_Stiles looked up and saw Erica slowly come into vision; her features becoming clearer. A genuine smile spread across his face, “Erica! You’re really here!”_

_She walked in front of Stiles and sat facing him. “Of course I am. Deaton was right you know; I did latch onto you just before I died. I would say I’m sorry, but…”_

_“Don’t be. I’m just…you’re not dead and that’s all anyone could want.”  
Erica looked into his eyes, “But I’m not alive either. Stiles, look, I’m going to be blunt here because being here, letting you see me is really hard. I need you to help me.”_

_“Yeah anything-“_

_“Like now.”_

_He raised his eyebrows in clear confusion, “Erica, if it hasn’t escaped your view, we’re not in the real world – I can’t help you here.”_

_“Batman listen to me now. You can, you just can’t remember how. You skimmed over a spell in one of your books – it allows ‘spirits’ to become visible for a short time through someone else. I need them to know I’m here, that I’m not dead. Derek is trying to convince them now, but it takes more then words to convince someone that I’m alive. I will come back later and explain things, but I need them to know, please.”_

_Spell what spell?_

_“Stiles, I don’t have all day.”_

_“I’m trying and you interrupting isn’t helping.”_

_Images and words floated around his head, but nothing came to light. Maybe it wasn’t a spell. A verse powered by strength of will and vision? Gradually the page with the verse came to the front of his mind – this was one of the first books he read on spirits after Erica died, but he didn’t have the power to try any of them. Could he do it now? Well one could only try._

_Here goes nothing; Praesertim terminum ad causam deferebant. Tuo periculo fieri posset. Agnosco genus. Est lux ex sole est - Articulo cedam divini decreti  
Da mihi virtutem…” _

He gasped and his eyes blew open with a calm burning running through his body increasing in pain by the second. Stiles knew he couldn’t hold on for long. His ears started to buzz and he let out fast breaths. The burning possessed his full body and it felt like his veins and muscles were on fire. Stiles tried to calm the panic that was starting to rise, _you got Erica killed, I deserve this pain. She needs your help, so grit your teeth and bare through it._

The pain was so intense he became numb; sweat dripped from his forehead. He needed to focus, to keep the connection, but at the same time he wanted to escape into a memory. Stiles knew the consequences of the verse before he begun, for it read:  
To bring to view one spirit causes a time limit. The body of the host could be at risk the most. I recognise this. Sun is the light of the world - I bow to the divine decree, give me strength. 

Although his white magic had increased in strength and power, bringing a spirit forth through your mind and body was greatly difficult – especially when your expertise lay in dark magic. The power he had, that was no doubt, the things he couldn’t do was next to nothing. But, it was his strength and will which were letting him down. Stiles was weak. He had just buried his best friend and wanted to give up, only to find out that she was still here. That really takes it out on someone. Given better circumstances, he might have been fine with the verse. 

Stiles remembered a line from the book: bringing a spirit into view when the body is gone is harder to control then the newly dead. He wondered why that came into his mind, right now in this moment, but was quickly subsided by the unbearable pain which shot through his body. 

He knew he was slipping, losing the trance, losing Erica. _I can’t…Erica…_ he whispered in broken breaths. 

In an instant the pain was gone. Erica’s presence was gone. His mind was empty. Stiles let go of his magic powering the verse and fluttered his eyes. Blurry people crowed his vision, he felt hands on his face which could be none other than his Sourwolf. He blinked until he could see clearly. The pack surrounded him with Derek knelt in front of him; the silence was un nerving. What if the spell went wrong?

“Erica?” he breathed out. 

Derek half smiled, “Is gone, but she was here. Thanks to you I presume?”

Stiles nodded and felt a hand squeeze his shoulder; he looked to see Boyd looking half relieved and half distraught. 

“Can you…can you bring her back?”

He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to fill everyone with false hope, but he knew if there was a way he could find it. There was no way in hell that Stiles was going to let his Cat woman down – not again.

\--

“Stiles?”

“Scott?”

Scott sat next to Stiles and bumped shoulders, “It was nice what you did. With Erica. The pack, it felt whole when she was here, but now she’s gone…”

Stiles side glanced at Scott, playing with grass with his fingers, “…it feels empty again. I held on for the long I could, but-“

“Dude, it’s ok. None of us were complaining; we got to see our friend again…but you can bring her back right? ‘Cos when Boyd asked you just looked at him.”

_Seriously…_

Stiles scoffed and stood up, “Story time, everyone gather round.” 

“Stilinski, I’m not in the mood for stories.” 

“And yet you’re still walking towards me Lizard Boy.” 

Once the pack had gathered around Stiles, he began talking before anyone could interrupt him.

“Look, you all need to understand that it's very difficult for a ghost or spirit or whatever you want to call them to manifest; it takes quite a lot of energy for them to do it. Simply put, tires them out, hence the reason most don't show themselves and that when one does and is seen, you usually hear of it disappearing. The realms between the living and the spirit are close, but requires a hell of a lot of strength and focus to cross over. Erica is stuck on the other side and can’t get through by herself – she needs help. And that’s where I come in. I can do a spell that makes her visible and then trap her.”

“What’s the catch?” Derek questioned. 

Stiles stood there unsure of what to say, to his knowledge there was no catch; just some slight problems that could occur. 

“There is none.”

“Come on Stiles, I’m not stupid. With that level of magic there are always catches.”

“Look, just trust me ok?”

_Derek please, trust me._

“What do you need?”

And that was the beginning of a long night and how they ended up camping out at the old Hale house. After all, a pack sticks together, helps each other, get drunk and play stupid games together…


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, yay, I finally finished this story. i'm sorry if you don't like the ending, or if you think things are rushed a bit. But it's my first time at writing something like this and something this long to. So please bare this in mind.  
> if there are any mistake let me know and i'll fix them. I've been writing continuously for hours and I can't see straight so if things don't make sense I apologise.  
> feel free to leave feedback :)

The hale house used to be a visionary of the old times; every detail spent hours getting crafted. Nothing was wrong, everything seemed to fit together and have a place. The exterior was known to all. To most people it was nothing more than a white mansion owned by people to full of themselves to associate with the town folks. But to people who looked beyond what was right in front of them, they saw what the house stood for, what it symbolised. A place of peace, of neutral grounds. A place where people could be pure of heart. And now look at it …

Burnt down to the ground with nothing left except from the broken shell of a house. 

Stiles sat crossed legged against the far wall of what was left of the living room. He kept calling out to Erica in his head, but he wasn’t getting any responds. _Erica, I know you can hear me, but for some reason you can’t respond and right now I don’t want you to, I just want you to listen to me. So in a couple of hours I’m going to try and trap you to this realm, but I need your help. Before the spell starts I need you to be here, in my mind so I can bring you over to his realm. You will know when to do it, but until I call you, you need to save your strength because it isn’t going to be easy._

He let out a defeated sigh, “and there’s a chance it might not work. You could get stuck between both realms and be lost forever…and so could I…and for some reason I’m not telling you this. Maybe it could be the fact that if you knew, hell if anyone knew, you wouldn’t let me do it. And I need to do this; before I got my magic I was useless, practically a waste of space. And even now, what can I do? I can hurt people and manipulate anything I desire, but I can’t help people. I’m still useless…hopeless…lost… ”

Stiles jerked his head up when the sound of a car door being shut echoed through the house. He recognised those light weighted footsteps anywhere. _Derek._

“So I got the books you wanted from your room, some clothes and snacks. “ Derek said as he walked through the door. He looked around the house until he found Stiles looking as small as ever. After he put everything on the floor, he made his way over to Stiles and knelt in front of him.

“Hey,” he said in a soft voice, “what’s up?”

Stiles eyes moved until he found Derek’s face which was filled with concern. He felt disgusted with himself. _You couldn’t even plaster a smile on your face to stop him from worrying, could you?_

“Nothing, it’s just-“

“Hey, we got the sleeping bags and pillows you wanted.” interrupted Isaac with Boyd trailing behind him into the house; they both stopped in their tracks when they located Stiles and Derek. 

“We’ll just,” Isaac pointed in the other direction, “be over there…”

Isaac walked away looking confused, whilst Boyd followed with a small smirk on his face. 

“It’s just what?” prompted Derek for Stiles to continue. 

“Time to get working on those books.” Stiles moved from Derek’s presence hearing a sigh behind him. 

Isaac and Boyd were making a mess of trying to make a den, so if Derek couldn’t help Stiles right now, he’d help them. They were nearly finished getting everything set up when Scott and Allison entered the house with boxes of pizza. 

“Scott, my man. Did I ever tell you how much I love you?”

“Stiles the pizza is for later, you know that, so get your paws off.” Scott said whilst he battered Stiles’ hands away.

“That’s rich coming from you wolf boy.” 

Not minutes after their arrival, Lydia and Jackson made their entrance, “We’ve brought some drink, like you wanted.”

Isaac and Scott sniggered to themselves as Stiles looked at Jackson with an are-you-serious-right-now face. 

“I said bring drinkS. That means non-alcoholic.”

“Lighten up Stilinski, after everything we’ve been through, we need some fun times.”

“He’s got a point.”

“Boyd, you’re taking his side?”

“Just do the spells already so we can get drunk and have fun.” 

Stiles went over to Jackson and took the drink from his hands. He held them until he felt his magic come to life and his eyes turned a light shade of red. “There, now you can get drunk Lizard Boy.” He turned on his heels and resumed reading his books whilst the rest of the pack done their own thing. Stiles blocked out everyone, but he could still hear muffled sounds of them speaking, laughing and generally having a good time without him. It stung, but he continued searching his books for the spells he needed.  
After a good couple of hours, Stiles found himself sat on the floor surrounded by three candles and two bowls in front of him. One bowl contained water and the other soil, together both of them represented the Earth. Placed on top of the bowls of a feather, which was used to represent air. As he surrounded himself with the elements, he felt him magic pulsing through his body. 

_Erica, it’s time, I need you come to this realm. Don’t show yourself, that would make require more energy and make it more difficult for yourself. I will help you to cross over by doing what I done earlier today._

Stiles held out his arms so his palms were facing the ceiling, opened his eyes and his mind. _Now._

“Praesertim terminum ad causam deferebant.Tuo periculo fieri posset. Agnosco genus. Est lux ex sole est - Articulo cedam divini decreti. Da mihi virtutem…”

He wasn’t aware of the pack members watching, so the only thing he was anxious about was getting all the spells done in time and being strong enough to hold three at the same time. He felt Erica’s presence in the room. One of his hands moved to face Erica; his hands started to shake, but he continued. _Now for the tricky bit._

“Quæ egrediuntur de rebus coram oculis videri non potest de anima mundi spiritus sumit ab aere umores est in sudore frontis noctu occultatus scurries ut indicarent regi a luce.”

Stiles knew the spell was working by the sharp intakes of breaths he heard. Erica was in this realm and visible, the only thing left to do was trap her. As he went to say the last incantation _(which has to be said in English, thank god)_ he felt blood drip from his nose. _Not a good sign._

He slowly raised his shaking hand up and the feather began to raise. 

“Hear me and let it be known. Spirit that crosses, now here this spell, your soul is bound to this feather; if this shall brakes, you will be returned to where you once were.”

His head shot back and his eyes glowed in an intense heat. Keeping all three spells going at once was taking effect on his body. Blood was running from his nose, his ears and some appeared from his eyes. In this distance, Stiles heard fainted growls, but thought nothing of it. He was going to finish the spell. Erica wasn’t going to be left behind – a pack sticks together.

Stiles felt Erica being tied to the feather, but he was losing power. He felt faint due to the loss of blood which was increasing by the second. Stiles knew what he needed to do, one spell needed to be stopped in order for it to work. In his mind Stiles cut the tether that led to the visibility spell. _Sorry Cat Woman, but if you want people to see you, you’re going to have to put some effort into it._

When he felt her spirit being completely tied to the feather, he closed the door between the realms and stopped both spells; causing him to jerk forward, hunched over, not having the energy to move. Hands. Stiles felt hands all over his body: neck, shoulders, back, face and then someone lifted him up and gently laid him on something which reminded him of clouds.

He drifted off and woke several hours later half laid on top of Derek. As he nuzzled his face into the warmth off Derek he smiled, “Hey there Worry Wolf…” he mumbled out. 

Derek ran his fingers through Stiles’ hair and pressed a kiss to the top of his head, “Hey, how you feeling?”

“Like I need food. Pizza to be exact.” 

Derek chuckled and lifted them both to their feet, “Of course you do.”  
The two of them left the den and went to join the rest of the pack in the living room, who were all sprawled out on the floor. Stiles looked around the room and saw everyone but one person. 

“Erica?”

“We were about to ask you the same thing…” Isaac voiced.

Stiles turned to look at Derek with trepidation written all over his face, “I don’t get it. I done everything right. I mean not completely right or I wouldn’t have bled and passed out, but that’s not the point. The spells worked. I felt them work. I made sure Erica was here before I stopp-“

“Oh My God, it worked! I did it! WOHOOOO!”

Everyone snapped their heads in the direction of a voice which they all thought they’re probably never hear again.

“Erica…” Boyd got form the floor and stood dead in front of his girlfriend. Erica had a shit eating grin on her face as she went to hug him, only that didn’t happen. As she went to connect with Boyd, she went straight through him. 

“Stiles?”

He scratched the back of his head, “Erica, you’re a spirit, you do realise you can’t touch things. But maybe if you concentrated hard enough you could, like in the movies.”

“Stiles movies aren’t real – they’re made up.”

“So are werewolves Lizard Boy.” He fired back. 

“Guys, come on. Leave it, we’ve got Erica back and that’s all that matters. Now let’s eat and Drink.”

“Allison that might have been the smartest thing anyone has said all day, but first,” Stiles saw the feather exactly were he left it, "If this is ever destroyed we've lost Erica for good. So it needs protecting." For the time being, he placed the feather inside one of his books and put it in a safe place.

And that’s how they found themselves half an hour later, in the den with empty pizza boxes and half empty bottles of drink.

Someone who wasn’t drinking that much (Lydia) thought it would be a good idea to play Truth or Dare…and apparently so did the rest of the pack. Derek, Erica and Lydia were the only real sober ones there so they took it upon themselves to amuse each other by getting the - quickly becoming drunk - pack to do weird things or answer personal questions. So far, Isaac and Scott have kissed, Allison said she would be into having a threesome, Stiles has sat on Boyd’s lap for a couple of turns (curtesy of Lydia to test a theory), Derek and Jackson have swapped shirts and Lydia admitted that ever since Peter bit her she felt something growing inside of her, she just didn’t know what. 

Erica looked at Stiles with the devil dancing in her eyes, “Truth or Dare?”

“Urmmmmm…Truth? No wait, Dare?”

“Nope, I’m taking your first option. So, before I died, you told me that you liked someone. Has anything happened with him?” she giggled as she realised her mistake, “Them, I mean them?”

Stiles felt all eyes on him, he felt self-conscious. If he looked at Derek now the pack would know. But if he was being honest, they all probably knew, they were just waiting for one of them to confirm it. The alcohol was getting to his head, _screw it,_ “Yep.” He said popping the p.

Erica and Lydia shared a look which meant they knew, Isaac had an is-he-saying-what-I-think-he-means face as he looked to Boyd and Scott, Allison and Jackson looked slightly lost. 

Before anyone could ask more questions, he looked at Erica, “Truth or Dare?”

“Let’s make this interesting, Dare.” She said, curious to what he would come up with. 

“I dare you to sit in front of Boyd and touch his face or hand or whatever you want really. Just touch him. And don’t even dare say you can’t, try.”

Everyone watched as Erica made her way to Boyd. They watched intently as she paced her hand near his face. As she went to cup his cheek, her hand went straight through his head. She huffed out an annoyed sigh, “It’s not working.”

“Not if you keep that attitude up, now try again.”

This went on for several minutes and nothing happened. Erica was close to giving up, you could see it in the body language. 

“You can do this. I know you can.” Boyd said as he placed his hand mid-air, indicating for her to mirror him. Erica looked Boyd in the eye and brought her hand up to touch his. They were millimetres apart until she had the courage to close the gap. As their fingers touched, Erica let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. 

“I knew you could do it, you just needed to believe that you could.”

The game resumed, but Erica was now positioned on Boyd’s lap with his arms around her waist. She knew if she kept this up that she would disappear soon, but she didn’t care. 

“Derek, truth or dare?”

Derek looked like a deer in headlights; he knew what she was up to. If he picked truth, she probably ask him if he was doing Stiles. A dare was his safest bet, or so he thought. 

“Dare.”

She looked to Lydia before continuing, “Do it, I’m getting bored.”

“Derek I dare you to kiss the person you have feelings for, right now.”

_Holy fuck…_

He shrugged his shoulder, “Ok.”

Instead of getting up, Derek crawled the short distance that was between him and Stiles with a playful grin on his face. He placed his hands either side of Stiles’ legs and leaned forward. 

“Hi.” Derek looked from his eyes to his lips which made Stiles swallow and lick his lips; Derek traced the movement.

“Urr...H-hi.”

Derek leaned closer so that when he talked their lips brushed, “So I’m going to kiss you now, ok?”

All Stiles could do was nod, before Derek captured his lips. 

And that is how the pack found out that they were dating. After that the game carried on for about forty-forty five minutes with playful banter and some graphic dares. It had been a long day and everyone was feeling the effect of it. Erica said her goodbyes and that she would be back in the morning. The pack soon settled down after she left and got comfy in the den before they started to fall asleep. 

Derek was spooning Stiles and he nipped at his ear. “Yeah?”

"Thank you, for bringing her back to me. To us.” 

Stiles craned his neck round and lightly kissed Derek. “It was the least I could do after everything.”

“One more thing, I hope you know that I’m never leaving you. You’re stuck with me whether you like it or not.”

“I never planned on getting rid of you. We’re going to grow old Derek, you just wait and see, now go to sleep, we have training in the morning.”

Derek smiled and nuzzled Stiles neck, lulling him to sleep. For the first time in a long time, he felt at home, cared for by the best person he’s ever met and surrounded by his pack – what more could an alpha want. 

\--

“Wakey, wakey, sleepy heads!”

The pack groaned in unison, “Erica, please, we’re glad you’re here, but let us sleep. For the love of God.”

“Isaac, trust me, I would if I could, but I can’t so I shan’t.”

Derek moved from Stiles and stood to his feet, causing everyone to follow suit. “What’s going on?”

She pointed to the symbol on the open front door, “That.”

His eyes went wide, he traced the symbol with his fingers and hung his head.

“Derek, what does it mean?”

“It mean that they’re hear Scott. The Alphas are back. That they're here.”

“Then we better start training. We need to be ready for when they come.” 

The pack made their way outside and Derek ran them through intense sparring and sense training. Something in the air was wrong and Stiles could sense it. The alphas have been quite for two weeks and all of a sudden they’re here – something was up. Where they here because Erica was back? Or where they here because Stiles had grown in skill and strength with his magic? Or was it something completely different. As he watched from the side lines, he felt eyes on them. Maybe he was being paranoid, but he couldn’t shake the feeling. 

“Derek, we need a plan for when they attack. We can’t just wing it or go with the flow. Not this time.” 

“Ok everyone stop for now. Stiles makes a good point. Here’s what I want us to do. Isaac and Boyd stick together, Scott you’ll have Allison covering you from a distance with her arrows, Jackson use Erica to try and confuse them, Erica stay visible but not touchable, Lydia stay under cover and don’t even dare think to argue with me and Stiles, cover everyone who needs help.”

“And you’ll be?”

“Waiting for Deucalion.”

“Why wait when I’m already here?” 

The alpha pack stepped from the tree lines and came face to face with the Hale pack. Stiles could feel the anxiety coming off everyone, they’re weren’t ready for this, but at least they were on familiar territory. 

_Guys, stay clam we got this._

“Ethan go after Scott, Kali attack Boyd and Isaac, Ennis take down – what do you call him Stiles? Lizard Boy? Derek, you’re mine and after I’m done with you, I’m going after Stiles.”

“You leave my Batman alone!” Erica ran towards Deucalion and concentrated. Deucalion didn’t seemed at all phased by the fact that she was here. As she neared, he stepped forward and grabbed her by the throat. 

“What do you think would happen if I clawed your throat out?” As Deucalion went to rip her throat out, she vanished into thin air. The fight begun. 

Ennis ran towards Jackson and knocked him to the ground. He gripped onto his side with his claws, teared the flesh off his muscle and left the bloody skin hanging off the body like string just dangling. Jackson went to shield his open wound from any further blows, but Ennis was too quick – he pounded Jackson to the flaw, sunk his teeth into the wound and ripped the skin from his body. As Jackson looked up in a half-hearted attempt to keep fighting, Ennis smirked down at Jackson and revealed his blood covered teeth. His vision was filled by a wolf that seemed to have gone feral. He went in for the final hit when a cloud of black smoke surrounded his body, yanked him backwards and sent him falling in front of Stiles. Stiles tightened his fist and Ennis screams filled the air; he left him twitching on the ground and went over to Lydia.

At this point Isaac and Boyd were dodging blow after blow from Kali; they were getting nowhere. She was gaining speed and they were losing their defence. In a tempting plea to shift the balance of the fight, Isaac signalled for Allison to shoot an arrow at Kali by letting out a short frustrated howl. Locking her arrow in the bow and turning to the direction of Kali, she let loose of the string and watched it penetrate Kali’s left shoulder. As she reached around to pull out the arrow, it gave enough time for Isaac and Boyd to move towards the tree line to get a better defence. 

The blood soaked arrow twirled around Kali’s fingers as she spun to face Allison. She winked before she flung the arrow right back towards its owner. After Allison stumbled back and fell into the old Hale house, Kali turned around and went after the young betas.

Derek faced Deucalion, legs bent, ready to attack or defend. 

“What’s wrong Derek? Unsure of what to do? You have so much power and no clue how to use it – similar to that pet of yours. Stiles is it?”

Derek eyes flashed red as he bared his teeth, “Don’t you dare mention his name.”

“And what are you going to do about it, get your boy toy onto me?”

That was the last straw; in his attempt to take down Deucalion, he acted without thinking. Something snapped inside of Derek and he charged at Deucalion aiming for his jugular. The demon wolf anticipated his attack, stepped to the side, dodging the attack and capturing Derek’s arm in his hand. With immense speed, his claws extended and swiftly punctured Derek’s side.

At first, Scott was having no trouble keeping up with Ethan, but soon began to tire after several strong and deep swipes of his claws to his body. In a quick movement, Scott kicked Ethan in the leg, making him fall to his knees and gain the upper hand. He grabbed Ethan by the throat, lifted him from the floor and smashed him back into the ground. Ethan looked up and spat out blood, “What you going to do, kill me?”

“I’m not a killer.”

Ethan smirked, “That’s what I thought.”

“Lydia?” Stiles found her on the move to Ennis, “Lyds, listen to me, going after Ennis won’t achieve anything.”

Lydia continued to walk as if Stiles never had said a thing. 

“Listen,” Stiles grabbed her by the shoulder, “if you go over there, you could get hurt or even worse. So please, go to Jackson. He needs you!” 

Between the two of them a stare off initiated, but Stiles wasn’t having it. He blocked Lydia’s way until she turned and ran to Jackson.

Stiles turned to see Derek frozen in place by Deucalion. _Oh hell no! Nobody is going to hurt my Sour Wolf._ Without thinking, Stiles ran into Deucalion and knocked him away from Derek. He placed a hand of Derek’s cheek, “You good?” 

“Yeah, now go and help Scott, he looks like he needs it.” He panted.

Stiles gave him a lopsided grin before making a move in the opposite direction. 

Deucalion regained his balanced and let out a venomous growl. He was planning to go after Stiles, but once he saw the little moment between the alpha and the warlock, he changed his mind. 

“Kali, Ennis, grab the Alpha.” He ordered. 

A sharp erratic pain chocked Stiles; he heaved in a long breathe and stood motionless. The world began to move in slow motion. He was standing in the middle of a fight they were losing – he never anticipated this. 

Stiles looked to his left, Scott was pinned to the floor with an alpha on top of him, Isaac and Boyd were impaled with tree branches through the arms pinning them to the ground. As his eyes moved he saw Lydia huddled over Jackson trying to stop him from bleeding out form the side. Allison was sat leaning against the burnt down house with one of her own arrows sticking out of her chest; and Derek…Derek was in the captivity of two Alphas.

Kali and Ennis were holding his arms out waiting. Waiting for Deucalion. He watched as Derek was kicked in the back of the legs, falling to his knees. Deucalion looked Stiles in the eyes with a half-smile and stood behind Derek. His hand coming around his throat, claws extending… 

In an instant the world resumed at normal pace – Stiles turned and began to run to Derek. He wouldn’t let another member of the pack die, not after Erica. He wasn’t losing Derek. Stiles conjured all the strength he had left and began to focus, purely on Deucalion. His hand half turned and Deucalion’s claws retracted. He moved both of his hands in an outwards motion and sent Kali and Ennis flying. Stiles abruptly stopped in front of Derek; Deucalion still had his hand placed over Derek’s throat and although Stiles had control over his claws, he didn’t want to take the chance. 

Stiles took a quick glance at the rest of his pack – they needed help and without it they weren’t going to make it past today. He concentrated in his mind and reached out to every member of the pack; 

_Scott my homie, you know I love you like a brother._

_Isaac you can do this, you’ve been through worse. You’re a fighter, so don’t stop fighting._

_Jackson my Lizard-Boy I’ve grown to actually kind of like you. So you know, please don’t die._

_Allison, my fearless huntress; if anyone can pull through this it’s you._

_Boyd, you’re normally a silent person, but it speaks volumes and I want to say thank you. Without you and Erica, God knows where I would be._

_Erica god knows where you are, but have faith my Catwoman._

_Lydia, if… if anything happens take care of the pack._

His eyes reverted back to Derek and tears began to puddle in his eyes, he was growing weaker by the minute. The Demon wolf had more power and it was showing. Stiles was losing his control over him. Slowly Deucalion’s claws started to show. 

_Derek… we may not of had the best of introductions into each other’s lives, but I’m glad we got to know each other. I’m glad I met you. I don’t regret anything. And if things don’t go to plan, just know I’ll always be in your heart and you’ll be in mine._

Stiles looked up to Deucalion, _I won’t be to slow this time. Never again!_

He let his dark magic roam free. Within in these moments several things happened at once. Erica re appeared and flung Ethan off of Scott, she removed the branches from Boyd and Isaac and the arrow from Allison; she remained with Lydia and Jackson, helping apply pressure to the wound. 

Kali and Ennis began to charge at Stiles. And Deucalion let out a small chuckle. In his mind he envisioned Deucalion begin flung from Derek and the rest of the alphas being flung into trees, away from the pack. With a flick of the wrist his vision came to life. Kali, Ennis and Ethan were flung into distant trees. Ethan and Kali were knocked unconscious, whilst Ennis was penetrated through the head by a branch from the force of Stiles magic. Deucalion was sent flying into the old Hale house and landed somewhere on the ground floor. 

Stiles let out a breath of relief - until he saw his mistake. He realised why Deucalion chuckled and why he didn’t put up a fight – what Stiles missed was that by the time he flung Deucalion, his claws were fully extended and he still had a strong grip on Derek’s neck. 

He breathing became erratic, “No no no no no no no no… what have I done…no no no. NO!” 

Derek began to fall forwards to the floor, but Stiles dropped and caught him in his arms. He was aware of the pack watching from where they were, unsure of what to do. Isaac made a bolt to them, but Boyd held him back in time shaking his head. 

Stiles moved Derek until his head was resting on top of Derek’s and so that his hand enclosed over his fatal wound. He felt Derek’s warm blood plus from his slowly growing cold body – he was dying fast and Stiles didn’t know if he could save him. 

“Don’t you dare die on my Sourwolf, you hear me?” 

Stiles let his white magic consume his body; he felt his eyes glow white. His magic was radiating from his body, he felt his magic take form around his hands and sink into Derek, but it wasn’t enough – he was losing him. Derek tilted his head and locked eyes with Stiles. His bloodied hand came to Stiles’ face and went limp against his cheek; with a sad smile on his face, he slurred out “…ove..ou..” 

The life from his eyes died out. Within seconds Derek went from being alive to dead…

Stiles chocked on his breath and let his tears run free. He held Derek tight against his chest and cried in a broken whisper, “We were supposed to grow old together, to start a f…family… you said you wouldn’t leave me – YOU PROMISED!...why would you leave me…” 

_I was to slow…_

The wolves howled a heart filled rawr which shuck Stiles to remember something Deaton had said. 

Stiles let out a manic laugh, “Don’t you dare leave me, keep fighting Sourwolf.” 

He sucked in a deep breath, latched onto the magic flowing in Derek’s body and connected it with the magic with in him. His eyes glowed brighter than they ever have before and Stiles pushed past this realm and into the spirit realm. Derek was slowly getting further away, but Stiles let his white magic take a hold of Derek and bring him back. Once again, his magic took form; bright white vines escaped his hands and wrapped around Derek’s body; his spirit surged back into his body and his wound slowly knitted together. He sat upright in a motion which would give anyone whiplash and then fell back to the floor. 

His betas pushed past their pain and ran over to their Alpha to find him smiling to himself, “He did it…Stiles did it.” 

"Wait, where is Stiles…” Lydia asked, worried about what he had said to her, ‘if anything happens take care of the pack.’ 

They all glanced around and Stiles was nowhere to be seen. Derek frantically stood up, pushed past his pack and turn to try and locate his mate? 

“Stiles! Where are you?!” he called out hoping to get any response and he did; in fact in that moment every member of the pack received the same message. 

Scott grabbed his chest and held onto Allison, Isaac and Boyd buried their faces into each other’s neck and Jackson held a screaming Lydia. 

Derek collapsed to the floor and let out a heart broken, emotion filled howl. 

_Nature requires balance…_


End file.
